Sweetly Broken

A Path Made Clear

2011-09-09T11:23:00.001-04:00

I came back from the Dominican Republic with a heart for the island. I knew originally it was more of a 'spiritual high,' as lots of Christians call it, but I didn't realize how long it would last.

I mentioned to my mom and dad that I wanted to go back to the Dominican for awhile after graduation in December. I don't know if they heard me right or not, but they both seemed fine with it. My mom said, "I know you'll figure it out! You always do!" And with the hand of God, that's just what I did.

Two weeks ago I met with Karen, a woman from my church who is a part-time missionary in the DR. She and her husband helped plan our summer mission trip and were with us most of the time while we were there. She knows a lot of the ins-and-outs of being a missionary and having a heart for the nations. I knew she'd have some good advice for me.

We met at Caribou Coffee, just a few miles from my house. I immediately went into detail as to how my heart was yearning to be back in the Dominican. I told her I had looked online for different ministries, job opportunities and internships to be my ticket back there, but nothing had come close to catching my eye, and I needed her help.

As our conversation continued, she informed me that there was a school for girls in La Vega, DR that has a girl interning there currently, but she's leaving at the end of the year and they are in need of another. The school is for girls living in poverty who can't read, write or do basic math. A couple from another church in my town knew the lady, Joy, who started this school, and Karen gave me their contact information.

Could this be where God wants me? He provided not only a place, but instant contact information on the same day I was getting frustrated because I couldn't find anything.

That evening I contacted the school, and just a few days later I had an email response from Joy asking for things such as my testimony, what I like to do, etc. I emailed her back quicker than you could ever imagine!

She responded again asking what I would like to do if I came down. She also included a list of things they were in need of: "Web design and maintenance, accounting, fundraising, communications, girls mentorship and programing, teacher/perhaps, girl's house mom/perhaps?" First of all, I'm a communications major, who was originally going to be a teacher. Secondly, I have a huge heart for girls, and get to use that in my ministry here as a College Intern at my church.

When I read that message and realized how overlapping my skills/talents/passions were with the list of things they needed, tears welled up in my eyes. I just knew this is where God wanted me.

Last Friday I met, via Skype, with Joy, as well as the woman whom Karen knows from the other church in my city. We talked for about an hour and seemed to really click. One of the biggest questions I had was about the time commitment, as my mom and dad told me I should only go for about 3 months to try it out. Joy asked me to come from January until June. 6 months. She explained that once I have made connections with the girls, it will be hard for us to part in the middle of the semester.

The next day I was on the phone calling my mom and dad with butterflies in my stomach. How would they feel about me living in the Dominican Republic for 6 months? In a country-town that only gets water and electricity on Mondays and Thursdays? In a school where no one speaks English? Sharing a dorm with 4 little girls because their home-life wasn't safe, and they had no one to take care of them? What would they say?

Both mom and dad said I could go. Enough said.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is where God wants me. If this isn't a testimony to God's control, I don't know what is. He completely orchestrated this in a way I could never have imagined, and I cannot wait until January.

Check out this website for more information about the school:

New Hope Girls Academy (Nueva Esperanza)

Photo courtesy of http://newhopegirls.wordpress.com/

Safe Place

2011-08-10T09:39:00.002-04:00

I came home the other day feeling a bit emotional and overwhelmed. I sat on the couch and my roommate instantly knew I wasn't myself. She looked at me and asked, "Katie, what's wrong?" I didn't have the words to explain at first, so I replied with, "I don't know I'm just... I feel like crying." Her response wasn't to hug me or try to make me laugh, but instead she said, "Go ahead and let it out. This is a safe place."

Those words have rung in my head for the last two days. My new home is my safe place. It's a place where I can find (my friend's) mom or my roommate (basically my sister) anytime and talk. I can lay on her bed, and she will pray for me. She will just listen and not have to try to say the right thing.

With those words ringing in my head for the last few days, I continually visualized this face...

I keep thinking, where's his safe place? Who does he have praying for him? This child is one of the many that we helped serve a meal to in the Dominican Republic. It's likely that he eats only once a day, and I'm not sure what his living conditions are like. I can only imagine.

Today as I lay in my safe place, I pray for his. I pray that today someone will show him Christ and that he will come to know that he will always be safe in His arms, no matter where he is.

Summer of Love

2011-08-05T11:39:00.003-04:00

This summer I was honored to attend three weddings of dear friends. Each wedding ceremony was a beautiful representation of Christ's love and grace. Take a look:

The first was Jenna and Mitch's wedding. Jenna means so much to me as she was the spark that started my relationship with Christ. They were married on May 28, 2011.

Next up was Jay & Eva's wedding. Jay is a pastor at my church who I've worked with all summer. A friend and I helped Jay make this for their engagement back in December. It said "Merry Christmes." He then turned off some of the lights and all that was left was "Merry Me." So sweet! They were married on June 11, 2011.

Lastly was my bible study leader Liz's wedding. She and Matt were married at Southeastern Seminary on July 30, 2011. They were absolutely gorgeous!!

This summer has been one of love and commitment to say the least! I am so thankful for each of these God-fearing relationships and cannot wait to see how God will use them in their new lives.

Congratulations to all of you!

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

More Mission Trip Pictures

2011-07-28T16:26:00.004-04:00

Here are more photos of me and the team in the Dominican!

Romano translated (from English to Creole) so I could lead the soccer camp.
He is a church planter in the Dominican and also leads a soccer ministry for men.

I forgot how much I enjoy this sport!

Praying before soccer camp.

Nobody on the team played soccer, but that didn't stop us. They were all ROCKSTARS and did an amazing job!

A tunnel to the water cooler.

We served lunch one day at a local feeding shelter. These kids get 1 meal a day, 6x a week.
(I was trying to use my Spanish which always calls for hand motions to fully communicate...)

Making crowns after the Esther skit at VBS

90+ kids came to VBS the last day.

This trip just made me want to dance!

And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10:15

My First Mission Trip

2011-07-27T18:36:00.003-04:00

Last night I flew in from the Dominican Republic after a week long mission trip. Early last week I was nervous and anxious about what was to come. Was I ready? Had I forgotten something? Maybe I didn't pray enough before leaving, maybe I shouldn't be going, maybe God doesn't want me to go. All of these thoughts were clouding my mind until we arrived.

Our team the night we arrived.

I would sit here and write about it if I could, but words wouldn't do it justice. Here's a few pictures from a friend. More are to come...

We held a 3 day soccer camp in the mornings.

We hosted a 3 day vacation bible school in the afternoons.
(Story of Peter walking on water)

She wore her heels to soccer camp and was beautiful!

We made lion masks after doing skit about Daniel and the lion.

She came from a nearby neighborhood for VBS and
didn't leave my side!

I shared my testimony at a church service Sunday night.
Romano translated it into Creole for the congregation.

I played Esther in a skit.
That woman had COURAGE
(our theme for the week).

This trip was life changing in so many ways. I had two people in different instances tell me that they'd never seen me so alive as I was on this trip. I can truly say that I will be back in the Dominican Republic sooner or later!

For more pictures, check out this short video made by the ministry we traveled with.

Achievement

2011-05-02T17:19:00.001-04:00

In just five short days, I will have another year of college under my belt. I have just one more summer break and only one more semester of college to complete.

The other night while driving home with a friend, we reminisced about the past year together. We laughed about our late night chats and specific outings we had attended. We realized how last summer seemed just like yesterday and how we are officially seniors. We also wondered, had we wished our time away? Did we accomplish what we wanted to this year?

Worry, doubt, fear crept into me as we tried to think of all we accomplished. We struggled to remember every detail, but the memories that were recalled were enough to put us at ease for the moment.

That night, I crawled into bed and read my journal from the year that had just passed me by and found comfort amidst my questioning.

Yes. I had accomplished what I wanted. I didn't even realize I had set a goal, but I did. I didn't realize what I was pursuing, but I grasped it.

In my scribbled journal entries I had cried out to the Lord for comfort, for a closer relationship with him. It seems that I wrote it over and over and over. I reread the prayers I had written asking God to come closer, just a little closer.

Today I can confidently say I accomplished just that through diligent prayer, a challenging community and faith. I feel like I have achieved something greater than grades on a piece of paper. I have received an everlasting gift.

Slow and steady wins the race...

2011-04-05T20:41:00.001-04:00

I like instant results. When I start a project, I hardly ever stop until it's done. I love the feeling of finishing something and then sitting back and relaxing, taking in a deep breathe of fresh air. (Hence why vacuuming is my favorite chore. Can't get much more instant than that!)

For someone who likes to finish things all at once so she can ~~cross them off the list,~~ you'd think I'd enjoy a job where I can see the progress instantly...

When I first started as the College Intern, we had a quick increase in numbers. College students started attending our Life Groups and making decisions to follow Christ through baptism. It was so exhilarating to see how God was using the college ministry each and every day. But now it's become slow and steady, and I've become anxious and uncomfortable. I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm not being bold enough.

Today I spoke with a few pastors at church and had a nice little reality check. Doing ministry is definitely not an instant results kind of job, and there's more to it than just putting an X through a bullet point on a Post It.

It's more about His timing than mine. It's about the glory being to Him and not myself. It's about loving people unconditionally and letting Him do the rest.

A Baptism

2011-03-29T14:15:00.002-04:00

After joining staff at my church doing communication type work, it became clear to me that God had another plan: He gave me a heart for college students. In the same week, our college intern decided to step down. A few days later, my head pastor and I had a conversation about where God could use me best. After realizing that His plan was all too clear to everyone, I became the Campus Point (our college ministry) Intern.

I had no idea how God was going to use me, but I had big prayers for the journey ahead. The following week, I was asked to give a girl a ride to church who wasn't plugged in anywhere. After spending the day with her, our friendship blossomed and she's now in my Life Group. She also dedicated her life to Christ a month ago and asked if I would have a hand in baptizing her.

Last weekend (March 20, 2011) on Dani's birthday, Dave (our college pastor) and I had the privilege of baptizing her. I never expected to be a part of anything like this in my wildest dreams. God is so powerful, and I am so excited to be His hands and feet.

And how can they preach unless they are sent?

As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!

Romans 10:15

Getting Over the Hill

2011-03-22T08:46:00.000-04:00

I walked in with a racing heart.

Could today be the day?

I sat on the crunchy white paper, for what seemed like days. He finally entered, very chipper and smiley. He told me to rest my leg on the table and he'd have a nurse take out the stitches.

When he walked back in he took just one look and said just four simple words:

"Okay, you can walk."

I never thought I'd be more excited to hear those words. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Like a stuffy room, with the window finally drawn open. Like a girl, trapped in a nightmare, who finally wakes up and realizes everything is how it should be.

I walked out of the doctor's office with my heart still racing and my hand already dialing mom and dad's numbers. It was a bright, sunny day and I couldn't wait to take on the world.

Just 3 weeks later, I am still walking with a bit of a limp (or 'swag' as some would say), but I don't care. I am able to be me. Able to take the stairs. Able to rejoice a the new season of life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this last Friday but never published it.

Unbeknown to me, it would end all too quickly. Yet again, I am back in my walking boot for 1-2 more weeks. The incision will not heal correctly. Please, God, let this be the last time.

And Today I'll Write Instead

2011-03-18T09:52:00.002-04:00

I've been doing a lot of reading. More than I'd sometimes like to. But have you ever vowed to do something, and you know you cannot back out?

Lent started last week, and I decided to be more sacrificial than in past years. Sure, last year I gave up soda, which at the time was a feat in itself, but was I really sacrificing for the Lord? Or was it just a game to see how long I could last?

Yes, this year I've given something up, but I've also taken something up. Over the last 6 months I have grown exponentially in my faith, and am so thankful for the ways God has been using me. I have been in the Word almost every day and it makes his presence that much nearer.

As for Lent, this year I've decided to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time: read every word in the bible. In light of wanting to do this, I've also given up TV. (Yes, I know it's March Madness, but I'm not really that fond of the sport...) Each day I spend about an hour and a half reading large chunks of Leviticus and Exodus. I've found that it does actually make sense if you read it at one time instead of breaking it up into different days! Go figure...

But today, I just felt the need to write. The need to put my thoughts onto paper, so instead of reading the entire 'assigned' readings for today, I just read half and will catch up tomorrow.

This blog is like a breath of fresh air sometimes, and today I'm going to take a deep breath.

The Right Season

2011-02-10T10:04:00.000-05:00

I have a friend who often reminds me of this: where God has us is the best season of life for us right now. Even if that does constitute crutches and a big black boot, God has me here for a reason.

As mentioned in an earlier post, I'm often asked how I'm coping with this season of life. I came up with a truthful answer that I readily answer with: I'd be lying if I said every day wasn't a struggle, but I'd also be lying if I said it's not a great season of life."

Being a very independent person, I find it hard to ask others for help. My mom and sister are no longer here to hand me that book just across the room or carry a cup of water to my nightstand. No longer do I have food served to me or my clothes washed. My bed hasn't been made in a week (which is very bothersome), and my dishes rarely get done.

As hard as it was to live with my family in my tiny apartment, I miss them more than ever. The days of coming home to a loved one on the couch and eating breakfast and dinner together are over.

It's not a time of self-pity, though. I promise. I've found other ways to keep busy, ways that will strengthen my reliance on Christ. Ways that have grown me exponentially. Instead of wasting time on Facebook or Twitter, I find myself watching online sermons by Perry Noble from Newspring Church over and over. His sermons encourage me to solely channel my thoughts on furthering the Kingdom of Christ.

I'm learning that it's okay to rely on others for help and that slowing down is normal. Slowing my life down is all I really needed to realize how crazy life had gotten. I now have time to grab coffee with others (of course, they have to drive me...), and I find that I not only have time to read my assigned* chapters in scripture each day, but I have time to read more. I want to read more. It's addictive. It gets me through the long afternoons and nights.

This season of life is truly a difficult one, but I'm more than thankful for it.

*I'm in a Core Group where we meet once a week to pray, fellowship and read through the entire bible. We are using a plan provided by our church which 'assigns' chapters for each day.

My 'Next Step'

2011-02-03T15:35:00.002-05:00

I'm officially on staff at a church. Who woulda thunk?

Yet Another Season of Rest.

2011-01-17T13:34:00.000-05:00

She woke up with tired eyes and butterflies in her stomach. In just a few hours she would be back on the soccer field playing with the team that had made a name for itself a handful of years before. After not seeing her old teammates for six months, they all still had it. Well sort of. Everyone knew how the others on the team played and could almost guess what their next move would be. The only difference was that after 15 minutes, everyone was ready for a break. Being out of shape would get the better of them, or so she was told.

Ten minutes into the game, someone took a shot from afar, and she ran in for the rebound just the goalie dove for it. She slid to make contact first, but wouldn't even remember if she did or not. She lay screaming in pain, gripping the turf, eyes closed; too afraid to open them to reunite with the reality surrounding her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As many of my readers know, I tore my Achilles on December 26 and had to have surgery on December 30. After being in a boot just two months earlier due to a fractured ankle, I couldn't believe I was hurt again. I spent a long five days on medications that made me someone I wasn't.

I received an unnumbered amount of calls, texts and emails from those near and far that were full of encouragement. In almost every call or email, one question I was asked time after time was, "how are you dealing with it emotionally?" Most people know me as the always-on-the-go-leader-of-everything girl. I'm the (over) involved one who plans every minute of her day and was planning to run her third half marathon in March with a group of people. I think I answered it somewhere along the lines of, "well it's going to be hard, but I know there's a reason for it." How deeply I believed that was another story. My words did not align with my heart, but I knew that's what I should tell people.

Going from a girl who does everything for herself, to a girl who can't cook, clean and at first who couldn't even put on her own pants. Depending on others is not the way I live my life, until now. I can't carry a cup of water to my bedside table and instead of a purse, my red backpack has become my best friend. It matches nothing I wear, but that's nothing compared to the big black boot and silver crutches I roll with day in and day out.

I walk into classrooms, and everyone's head turns. I sit nearest to the door, which is oftentimes the front row. I can't get on and off the bus to go from my apartment to class, and seeing as how it's my right leg, I cannot drive.

If you add up all of the trials I'm going through, you might think I was a miserable person. To be honest, I have had a few pity parties and yesterday I even got into my friend's car and cried for thirty minutes. I hid my face deep in my palms and let my emotions out.

You see, people keep telling me, "wow, Kate, you're doing so well! If that was me, I'd be a wreck!" But if half of them would truly see how I'm feeling on the inside, they'd know I do struggle. Or I did.

While laying at home after surgery, I texted a friend who I hadn't heard from since before my surgery. He ended up calling me and we talked for a long time. He asked me once again how I was doing emotionally, and to be honest I don't know how I answered him. I must have been pretty negative, though, because he started telling me a book he wanted me to read. In fact, after we finished our conversation, he ordered it on his iPhone and sent it to me.

Day after day, it didn't come. Soon I was leaving for school, and my mom would have to forward it to me. I didn't receive the book until two nights ago, and God's timing was perfect. After a rough week of classes and having to depend on others for everything, I felt defeated and worthless. The book, called Polishing God's Monuments: Pillars of Hope For Punishing Times, has kept me busy since. It reminds me that I shouldn't question God's reasons or timing. Why does He need to prove himself, when He's proved himself to me in so many other times? Why, when things are bad, do I lose belief and try to take control myself?

What is meant by "monumental" faith? I do not mean "great" faith or heroic faith. No, this is a faith that has trained itself in the midst of adversity to look back at God's past demonstrations of his character and confirmations of his promises. These monuments are a testimony of what he will do in the present, regardless of the difficult things that are happening.

- Polishing God's Monuments: Pillars of Hope For Punishing Time by Jim Andrews

God has spoken to me through this book in just the first few pages, and it has radically changed my perspective on this minor bump in the road. Yes, I will have to wear a boot for 6 more weeks, but the crutches will be gone in just one week. I can already see God's hand in this as my sister had a chance (well, she didn't really have a choice...) to come live with me for a week and help me out, with everything. She got to come to church and meet all of my friends. We haven't spent this much time together since 2006, and for the most part it was a lot of fun. My mom flies in tonight and will be here for the next eight days to drive me to and from class and meetings. She will also get to come to church, and the youth pastor and his wife even asked us to have dinner tonight with them. She gets to see my first apartment, and I get another week of home-cooked meals!

I do know, and truly believe with my whole heart, that God is truly using this time to strengthen both our relationship and my reliance on him. He has humbled me in ways I can't explain, and has made it clear that it's okay to ask for help. In this time of rest, I can only continue to seek Him for guidance and strength, so that's just what I'll do.

And then she finishes

2010-12-16T11:37:00.001-05:00

I check the blogs I follow often, but haven't felt compelled to write, as you've probably noticed. My semester came to a close on Monday, but today is the first day I've had absolutely nothing to do. Tuesday and Wednesday were filled with coffee dates and meetings as well as lunch dates and dinner dates. I am finally resting and it feels oh, so good. I cannot fly home until the 23rd due to my job as an RA, so here I sit.

So let's play catch up on my semester:

I joined a new church, I became the leader of the Sitter's ministry (coordinate childcare for all of the small groups throughout the week), I became a leader in the Youth Group, I flew home to Wisconsin, I spent Thanksgiving in Florida, I made tons of new friends, I caught up with old ones, I ran my 2nd half marathon, I am going to the Dominican Republic over spring break on my FIRST mission trip, I passed all of my classes, I'm on track to graduate a semester early and last but not least, I have been offered the opportunity to intern at my church over the summer. Whew.

And now it's Christmas. And I turn 21 in 10 days. Time is flying by.

My mom and dad both sent me packages for the season to dress up my apartment, here's a glimpse of a few:

And finally, the gift that brought me to tears:

This tree was in my bedroom at home every Christmas since I was very young. I hadn't thought about it or seen it for 3 years. I had already received a package from my mom, and when there was yet another one, I couldn't guess what she had sent. I opened it and was overwhelmed with childlike emotions. This tree has been around for almost 15 years. I called my mom at work and told her that if she'd have wrapped that tree and given it to me for Christmas as my only present, I'd have been content. This tree is a priceless gift that means so much more than any other gift this season. And it's probably not up to the fire code, but it's okay...I'm the RA.

(If you look closely, the long lights that stick out are actually filled with water or some type of liquid. They bubble when it gets warm and it's so fun to watch!)

Take care, and Merry Christmas!

Snail Mail

2010-11-05T08:24:00.002-04:00

With technology taking over our lives, it's easy to forget the old ways of life. The simple life. The life that didn't come with a three-year warranty and a store where all of your problems can be fixed over night.

I miss getting mail. Not that I ever received a lot when I was in high school, but I did get random mailings and birthday cards. I used to get magazines and junk mail, and I loved every bit of it. To see my name on the envelope was almost as exciting as the first snowfall of the year. At school now I rarely ever check my mail so as to have a better chance of there being something the next time I look.

Snail mail has become my new thing. Each Sunday I try to write a note to an old friend or an encouraging word to someone near and dear to my heart. I love sitting at the coffee shop before church remembering old times we shared. I love writing them down on paper, a tangible thing to hold, so a friend can enjoy the memories when she pulls back the top of the sealed envelope. So she can leave it on her desk to remember she is loved.

One thing to note, (no pun intended) is that my handwriting is awful. I sometimes have a hard time reading my own notes for class. Whenever a friend leaves a note of encouragement on my dry erase board in my apartment, the curly and frilly handwriting makes me envious. Letters are supposed to be gentle and beautiful, not rough and rocky. ~~With mistakes crossed out.~~

But that is just my personal touch, you could say. I don't rewrite the note if I mess up, I just continue and hope the reader enjoys a good laugh at my ugly handwriting and messy mistakes. It makes it personal. It makes it my own.

A Community to be Thankful For

2010-11-04T23:01:00.001-04:00

As this new season of giving thanks settles upon us, I have plenty I'd like to share.

Over the past four weeks, I have found a new home, a new community, a new love. I've been very involved with Life Groups (small groups or 'bible studies') at Starting Point Church. Not only have I been involved in the groups, but I have been genuinely loved by them. Every Monday night, we head to a home where hot food is always ready, people are laughing and joking, people are sharing their struggles, and even more exciting, sharing what God has done in their life that week (praises for Him, if you will). We study the Word, and help each other understand a little bit more why Jesus loves us so much. It's a place where my dumb questions aren't so dumb, and my excitement for Christ is shared. My group ranges in ages from 20-45(ish), and is lead by one of our pastor's, Matthew. His wife Kristen, who is pregnant, is always warm in opening her home, even on her lack-of-sleep-schedule that she's on.

Later in the week the love continues. I am able to meet with Kristen and another young woman at Border's Bookstore. This "Core Group" is a confidential time where I can really share my deepest struggles, drink coffee, get advice and we talk about the Bible. We're on track to read every word of it in a year. We're currently in Chronicles and John, and I've never been more challenged in my life or learned so much.

My last counted blessing I'll share today is actually given to me by a friend, Amy. After being an Orientation Counselor together two summers ago, our paths crossed again when I stepped foot into my 'new' church. We had lunch and decided we wanted to meet more often: every Wednesday morning at 7:20 to be exact. She prepares a mini-lesson and we pray for each other. We enjoy McDonald's Dollar Menu coffee and it is one of my favorite times of the week. She's such a loving mentor and she means the world to me.

I have such a great community with these people. Not to mention how fun they are. Usually after our small group meeting on Mondays, Matthew teaches us a new dance, like the Dougie or some other [semi-inappropriate] move. And last week, a Halloween dance party was the perfect way to ring in this new season of thanks.

These people have become my best friends and my family, as I am realizing just how far away my real family is. I love and miss my real family each and everyday and so many times throughout the week I am reminded of my mom, dad and sister and how much they mean to me.

I'm Back

2010-10-28T22:36:00.000-04:00

After being computer-less for 16 days, I am officially back-in-action...and so is the computer.

And I have lots to write about.

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and things to share, but without a computer, my journal has had to suffice.

Stepping back into the blog world seems weird; almost awkward. I wasn't sure where to start or what to post to break the ice, but this is it. I'm back.

Bearing a Burden

2010-10-03T14:02:00.000-04:00

She walked up, not as smiley as usual. Her body was limp and dreary. She tried to smile as I joked with her, but I knew something wasn't right. I asked if everything was okay, and at first she was reluctant to say...

...after a moment of silence, she decided to share her burden: a friend died the night before. A living, breathing soul, who likely didn't know Christ, is gone forever. It wasn't a close friend, but someone she had talked to within the last few weeks. Someone who she can put a face to. Someone she'll never see again.

Today I am trying to carry her burden with her. To be an outlet for emotion and an ear to listen. A shoulder to cry on and a soul willing to give encouragement.

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior who, who daily bears our burdens.
Psalm 68:19

I feel like writing

2010-09-29T09:53:00.001-04:00

Do you ever wake up, head right to your journal and start inking the page immediately?

I hadn't even had my morning cup of coffee (I hadn't even brewed it yet), and my mind was already racing with words and prayers. My journal has basically become my outlet for conversations I'm not ready to have with friends.

For the last two weeks or so I've been going through a change that will affect me greatly. God has called me to be a part of a church I only heard about less than a month ago. A church that was planted less than a month ago. A church I visited because I was curious, and someone who I barely even knew invited me. But things do happen for a reason, and now I am part of this new church. I am also part of a new small group, with people who aren't afraid to share their struggles, aren't afraid to let others pray for them, and others who are striving to know the Lord more intimately.

But this decision wasn't made one morning as I hopped out of bed and headed to my journal. No, this was a decision made through the power of prayer and was completely led by God. He made things so evident in my life, that I would be a fool to act as if He hadn't perfectly constructed this move. After many, many, many pages of ink -scribbled down in that perfect journal- I am just beginning my new journey in a church that's just beginning its own.

Please pray for Starting Point, my new home.

Just a Dream

2010-09-28T16:33:00.002-04:00

I'm not one to analyze my dreams. I don't know how, and I don't know that I believe those who say they can analyze them, either. But last week at a small group meeting, we spoke about different ways that God speaks to us and one person brought up dreams. I was hesitant to accept, until last night.

A group was sitting in a circle on the ground at a bible study. Our legs were crossed and our knees were bumping one another's. We all sat tight and cozy and questions were being asked and answered, except one that was asked by a girl sitting directly across from me. I have no idea what the question was. Something to do with the Lord/Christianity, etc. but no one knew the answer. Our leader, who happened to be a staff woman in Crusade, didn't know the answer either. Instead she looked at the girl and said, "I don't know the answer to that, but how long do you have to find it?" The girl shrugged her shoulders. Our staff woman said, "You need to search for the answer now. Don't waste time, nothing is guaranteed."

And with that, I woke up to the sound of a vibrating phone telling me a new message was received...a message from the person I had told just the night before about my struggle of feeling inadequate in my knowledge of my faith and inadequate in discussions with those who are seeking the Lord.

God wants me to seek Him and His word constantly and to be confident in sharing His word and His love to others. So here I sit, the non-dream-analyzer analyzing a dream: He is trying to tell me to stop wasting time worrying and complaining about not knowing, and just go learn.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7

Excuse me as I go seek...

Has God made himself evident in your life this week? Share that gift over at Chatting at the Sky.

Opportunity

2010-09-22T23:18:00.000-04:00

We have an opportunity to be intentional.

To change someone's life.

To change their day.

To change their afternoon.

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Take a look at yourself.

Have you gone out of your way to ask how someone is doing?

What if you were gone tomorrow?

Would you wish you'd have been more intentional?

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What are you being called to do?

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Do you really need to play XBOX for hours on end?

Creep the night away on Facebook?

Why are you sitting home alone?

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Get out.

Sit somewhere visible so others can join.

Create opportunity.

Go.

Be intentional.

Quit wasting time.

We've only got one life, so go live it.

A Season of Rest

2010-09-15T12:04:00.004-04:00

Along with most other bloggers, Autumn in my favorite season. I use Autumn rather than Fall because it just sounds peaceful and romantic. To be honest, I've wanted to post about the new season for more than a handful of days now, but it just hasn't felt like it has arrived yet. The temperatures are still in the high 80s/low 90s, and the trees haven't quite started changing colors. The mornings are the only glimpse of the crisp new season I get, and that only lasts for the 20 minutes it takes to get from my apartment to class.

Sure, the football seasons are underway, with my Wolfpack being 2-0 and my Packers 1-0, but when your face gets sun burnt during the 1st quarter, Autumn just doesn't seem like the right word to use.

Autumn is a season of change, a season to slow down, a season to be refreshed. Starting the school year was anything but slow, and the refreshing part hasn't taken place either. Despite these, change has definitely taken place. I'm living in a new place: all alone. I've met some great new people and even joined a new team. Lots of things have changed, but refreshing just doesn't describe it. Hectic and rushed are better adjectives for that situation.

Little did I know how everything would continue to change; abruptly and unwillingly. With my love for athletics, I am on a coed soccer team, a coed flag football team and running on the Club Cross Country team. I love playing sports with friends, and being involved in a variety of them keeps me from getting burnt out in one area. Little did I know, this season of change would bring the worst of them all.

That boot is helping heal my Avulsion Fracture in my ankle. Flag football can get intense, especially when your team has their own jerseys and plays and a captain who emails you the night before telling you to focus on the game. What can I say, we like to win! (It's all in good fun, we're not all that serious.) For the next two weeks I'll be wearing this boot, but I'm sure it will be longer until I can participate in any type of athletic event.

Usually when I get hurt I cry and am really upset, but this time I know what God is teaching me, and I'm okay with it. I need to slow down. I need to rest. I need to just be. So as I await the season of Autumn roll in, I'll enjoy my own season of rest from the sideline.

Boy-Friends.

2010-09-02T11:40:00.002-04:00

You see, when you're the RA, no one you live near wants to be your friend. I called home in tears just two weeks ago, suffering from a bout of loneliness. Lonely because all of my friends are living together, and here I am living alone. A few (okay, a bajillion) prayers later, God cured my emotional state when the guys down the hall asked me to hangout one evening.

It's a lot different hanging out with guys than girls. Sometimes they ask me questions about a girl's perspective on things, and other times they want to know about my faith. Sometimes we play Mario Kart and sometimes we sit. The best thing: they don't care if I've just returned from a run all sweaty and gross. They're all athletes; well somewhat. One is on the track team, one plays on the club baseball team and two play on the club ultimate frisbee team. I don't have to dress up to hang out with them, and they're always good for a laugh. Living alone can get boring, but they definitely keep me on my toes. And I'm thankful for those four boys down the hall.

Newfound Love

2010-08-24T12:19:00.000-04:00

Many of you know that last March I ran my first half marathon. And then I quit. I just stopped running. Over the summer my body wasn't healthy enough to run, and my heart just wasn't in it. It became a chore, something I dreaded each and everyday I pulled myself out of bed.

Upon returning to school I thought about running another half marathon, but couldn't find anyone to train with. And Lord knows I hate running alone. You see, I'm a talker. I enjoy being social and hearing other's stories. Running for an hour alone is just not my idea of fun.

Last week at our school's annual Rec Fest, (a festival where club sports and other campus groups have a chance to 'recruit' new members and let the freshmen know they exist), I met some newlyweds who are Officers on the Club Cross Country Team. My friend Kelly knew the girl through life guarding at our school's pool, and she just happened to introduce me as we were walking by. The girl, Gracie, had a gentleness about her that made me want to just wrap her up and take her home. Her husband, a tall (obviously) southern boy, was just as gentle and warm. Jokingly she put in a plug for the cross country team and we both just laughed it off as we headed to meet up with others.

Over the past weekend I really contemplated joining the team, but had many reservations. You see, I played on the Club Soccer team here at school, and it was a disaster. No one showed up for practice, but then again, why would they when we would just joke around the entire time? The girls wanted nothing more than to party and party hard. The team had a lot of potential, but they never took advantage of it.

Needless to say, last night I went to the information meeting expecting to be the only new girl. The one who stands out. The one who everyone expects to be good because, well, she had the guts to come out.

As I walked into the room where the meeting was being held, I was completely put at ease. There had to have been upwards of 30 people, and I immediately overheard the Officers asking each other how they had managed such a great turnout.

Knowing I wasn't the only new person was enough for me to stay, but then I quickly found out that God decided to bless me with endurance, too! After the meeting, we took off for a five mile run. I haven't run more than three miles in two months. Needless to say, I wasn't the first one to finish, but I was right behind them!

I found out afterwards that many of the Officers are involved in my campus ministry, and we have a lot of friends in common, too. I am so excited to get the chance to fellowship and share my faith with other young men and women as we run. (But mainly I'll be chatting with the girls, the guys seem to be a bit faster. Go figure.)

Fear

2010-08-17T15:50:00.000-04:00

Fear isn't usually a human desire. It creeps up and snaps at you when you least expect. Sometimes it makes you stumble and fall, but other times it's almost comforting...

I've been a little uneasy the past week or so. Sure, I've been more than content with friends, my living situation and just in general the way things are going, but until this morning, I couldn't understand what was underlying inside of me.

It's fear. For the first time, ever, I am fearing the Lord. I am fearful of not correctly discerning His plans versus my own selfish desires. I'm fearful of making everything into a 'sign.' But more than fearful, there is a calmness taking over, knowing that He has that control, and I don't have to worry. He will make happen what He wants and put an end to what He doesn't. Usually fear is a bad thing, but not this time. I am comforted that I have been made so aware of His power and greatness.

Share your gift of today over at Chatting at the Sky.

A Lot Like Me

2010-08-13T20:23:00.005-04:00

He didn't know who Jesus was.

He had handfuls of questions along the lines of, "Who is Jesus?" "What does that mean for me?"

His comments were more than familiar; "I knew there was something bigger," "something or someone up there loves me," "it wasn't anyone on earth controlling my life."

The difference is that no one is there to answer his questions.

People look at him as if he's crazy when he says, "tell me more" or "what does that mean?"

Others don't give him the time of day or a bit of love.

Tonight at Beautiful Feet, a homeless man with an unbelievable story wanted nothing more than to hear about Jesus. I was so thankful that the two guys I was with knew scripture to share and that I was there to give him confidence that it's okay to not know everything. I made sure to decipher some "Christian terms" that I myself was unfamiliar with as a young believer and that he knew I used to be right where he is today: searching, yearning and confused. Needless to say, he was more than excited when I asked him to join myself and a friend at church this weekend.

Just another testimony of God's hand at work.

Leader's Retreat 2010

2010-08-11T19:19:00.002-04:00

After three days of non-stop Jesus-loving time with fellow Campus Crusade leaders, I'm back in Raleigh, snuggled up on the couch. The past few days God has completely restored something inside of me that I was missing for so long: a healthy, happy heart.

I was submerged by the love of over a hundred other leaders from our campus ministry. There were times I laughed so hard that I cried and other times I cried so hard, I laughed. The past few days were the most amazing of my whole summer.

It's honestly hard to fathom that just a few days ago I was a broken mess, but I now am firmly standing in the light of my Maker, Creator and Saviour.

Here's a few pictures from the trip. Although I wasn't able to take many due to sand, water and just being so consumed by Jesus and amazing people, these few seem sufficient.

Garden City, SC

A handful of us got up to watch the sun rise on Tuesday morning.

Sunrise again.

My amazing bible study leader, Amanda.

This is where I had my morning quiet time. Can't get any better than that!

The trip was exactly what I needed. I met tons of people whom I never was able to 'put a name with the face.' By far, though, my favorite part of the trip was at 10pm on Tuesday night. After our evening meeting, we headed out to the beach and sang a few worship songs. Here's a glimpse of the love that these crazy college kids have for Jesus. Over a 120 of us praised God, with lots of passer-byers stopping to listen. There's nothing really to 'see,' so just enjoy the beautiful words and the waves crashing the background...

I'm so thrilled to have a great group of leaders to work with this year, but even more excited to see how God will work on our campus!

Change

2010-08-05T18:37:00.004-04:00

Keeping busy has become a new hobby. I'd say I spend more time trying to find things to do than actually doing them. When I'm alone my mind wanders, and my emotions are escalated. I easily become lonely, and find myself worrying more than usual.

I worry, I wonder and I pray. It's become a vicious cycle. There are things I just don't understand. There are unanswered emails and things that were just swept into the wind and never spoken about. I feel left in the dust; vulnerable, discarded, forgotten and weak.

I never realized how weak I truly was. I've never been this emotional. I've never felt more homesick. And even though my new home is cozy, it's just sometimes not enough.

All of the picture frames have been changed, and the letters are tucked away. Sweatshirts are hidden and teddy bears are stuffed into the back of the closet. I thought everything was going to be fine, but it's very evident that it's not.

Abruptly I struggle at the most inconvenient times. Abruptly memories strike. Abruptly I am reminded that things have changed.

A Place to Call Home

2010-08-04T20:03:00.001-04:00

When I open my 'front door' I can basically see everything in my entire apartment. My first step is into the kitchen and just two steps later I'm in the living room. Another three steps and my bedroom awaits you. Turn to the right and my desk/office/study area is open and ready for studying.

I've unpacked all of my belongings and every nick-knack is in the perfect place. I feel welcomed when I walk in and I am comfortable when I curl up in my bed at night. I am not afraid of what's outside my door, and the dark doesn't bother me. The bathroom is all mine. The washer and dryer are all mine. The kitchen is all mine. I have my own place. A place to call home.

Whenever my life takes a turn and I am lead to live in another area, I am always nervous. Will there be enough room? Will it be too big? Will I feel safe? Will I be able to sleep at night? Will I be able to make it homey?

After just six days, I can say I feel at home. Everything about my little apartment is cozy and relaxing.

Yes, that's the word: cozy.

Cozy is a word I haven't used nor felt in awhile. This will be my home for the next 10 months and I can definitely say I'm very happy with it.

Back into the bowl...

2010-08-02T14:02:00.001-04:00

As of yesterday afternoon, summer was tucked away into the memory bank and RA training began. My life is now full of numerous crises management and ethical dilemma situations. Not only is the training a drag, but I've been placed back into the fish bowl where everyone knows me as the RA and is watching every step I take.

I do take that as an opportunity for people to see Christ lived out through me, but in other ways I feel very judged and on my tip-toes. Many of my residents will be older than me, but I'm hoping they don't actually figure that out. Every move I make and breath I take is a big deal in someones eyes. Someone will always dislike me and others may need me to tell their roommate what a pig they are.

For now, my days are filled with administrators and technicians pouring wisdom into me hour and after hour. Before the week concludes, I am required to go into every apartment in my building (with my Co-RA) and check for mold, leaky pipes and anything else disgusting you can think of. And in the evenings, I am responsible for making 60 (luckily I only have 60 instead of 80 residents) door-name tags and two bulletin boards that are longer than my full size bed.

It is fun to actually have something to do in the evenings, but after such long days, I just want to be with friends. I want to go out and laugh and play. I want to get my mind off of the real world.

For now, though, my real world consists of responsibility, organization and an attention span of 10 hours. My planner already has something written on 65% of my days for August and it's even been color coded. It's going to be a busy year, but honestly that's all I was ever hoping for.

Here's to finishing the name tags tonight and hoping they're legible!

Ask, and they will come.

2010-08-01T11:54:00.001-04:00

That's right. Both Jay and Anthony met me at church this morning. When I pulled up and saw them waiting outside for me, I squealed like a child. Thank you for all of your prayers! Pastor Tyler spoke a bit on free will and predestination and also plainly proclaimed the love Christ has for each of us as sinners. I do believe God spoke to them today and I can't wait to get their feedback about it this Friday evening!

The service was opened with the song called God of This City. It sent chills down my spine. It's as if God knew these men needed to hear that He's the God of the whole city, not just the church-goers and do-gooders. He's their God, too.

Please pray for Anthony and Jay this week as rain is forecasted for here in Raleigh. Pray they find warmth and are able to stay dry.

Beautiful Feet

2010-07-30T21:52:00.002-04:00

Beautiful Feet is a group that was created by a friend of mine this past spring. It's a group of students who head into downtown Raleigh every single Friday at 5pm to serve the homeless. They bring both food and their love for Christ each and every week. Moore's Square is a small park in the center of downtown and it's filled with those who are in need of both physical and spiritual fulfillment.

Today was my first time going, and I was a bit nervous to be honest. I've known for a very long time that I have a heart for the homeless, but never really have had a chance to serve on a consistent basis. This year I decided I was going to be more intentional about it and I am so thankful God put it on my heart. Tonight God was with me. He was also with my new friends, Jay and Anthony....

Jay (center) has been out of work for some time, but worked for a carpet cleaning place for 8 years previously. Anthony, (right) who is actually really tall, LOVES to laugh. I think that's his hobby. He works two days a week at a hotel in Chapel Hill, but they don't have enough money to allow him to work more. His favorite lines are, "do the math! do the math!" and "just crunch the numbers!"

Anthony seems to be very educated and he uses words that surprised me. Like 'eclectic.' He shared with me his love for writing and He told me about a book he'd been wanting to write. He also has a passion for drawing, but the materials are too expensive, he said. He told me in the rain last night that the notebook with his drawings and written passages was ruined and he had to throw it out. He showed me the Bible he had and it was very mangled and water logged. I told him my love for writing, too, and that I have plenty of notebooks and offered to give him one to write in. His face lit up like a light bulb. Over a notebook. I have about a hundred. And about one hundred and one pens. Needless to say, he'll be receiving a crisp notebook from me this Friday with a little note of encouragement inside!

As for their love of Christ, I can't speak of that relationship, as that's between them and God. What I do know is that Anthony did say a few times that God is the only answer. He nodded and agreed when I said "God has power over everything." They were both very open to references to Christ and even let a guy named Orlando and I pray for them before we left.

Overall, this was a life changing night for me. I've never been so bold in sharing the gospel, and I was surprised at their reception to it. I invited both of the guys to church on Sunday, as Vintage 21 is just down the street. I told them I'd bring them breakfast, and Jay actually requested coffee, too! Please pray for both Anthony and Jay... that their love for Christ would bring them to a better place on this earth. Pray that they do come to church with me on Sunday and hear Pastor Tyler Jones share God's love and help them understand that there is nothing more satisfying than the love of Christ.

Peace amongst the storm

2010-07-29T22:58:00.001-04:00

All evening the local weather man warned me about the storm that was to come, but ignoring it, I continued to unpack this and that, finding that perfect spot for each of my things. As I crawled into bed for my first night in my own apartment, the storm hit. The lightening is more fierce than the morning sun and the thunder is deep, as if a there is base drum player right outside my window.

For the first time in a long time, I feel as if my own storm has passed. Just a few days back I chatted with a friend and recall saying, "I am just waiting for peace. I can barely remember what it even feels like." She reminded me to hold onto Christ and He would provide the peace when the time was right. Today it was right. Today I smiled. Today I started a new chapter in my life. Today God surrounded me and made things easier. He picked me up and set me on my feet. The storm is over for now. He was enough. He always will be enough.

If you're struggling to get through a stormy season, don't give up. He will provide a way out. He is God.

Psalm 46:10

The End

2010-07-28T20:48:00.002-04:00

As is sit and reflect on my summer that has just ended, I have a criss-crossed field of emotions on my heart. God made my path to Richmond clear and I knew this is where He wanted me to be. And although it took me nearly a month and a half to figure out why I was here, it's better late than never.

God brought me here this summer to show me that I need to rely on Him. And only Him. God showed me that I'm not as independent as I come off as and that I don't have it all together. He showed me how important community is and how I should not take it for granted. He made me more lonely than I've ever been in my entire life so that I had no choice but to crave Him. He ultimately brought me closer to Him than I've ever been. Without Him this summer, I do not know where I would be or what I would have gripped onto.

He is my Rock, my Light and my Best Friend. He smashed my heart only to build a deeper relationship with Him. He didn't do it to hurt me, but rather to show me how much He loves me. He wants me to know that He is in control and wants my full attention.

I can't explain in words the reality of how much I've grown in Christ this summer, it's truly a difficult task. I think it's important for people to know that God doesn't hurt us to merely see us suffer, no, I think it's more than that. He wants to see us grow and learn and understand that ultimately we are already suffering when we aren't fully seeking Him. It's a tough lesson to learn, but I'd rather suffer for Him than be comfortable with things of the flesh.

He is my World and I am nothing without Him.

**************************************

Goodbye Summer 2010. In some ways I'll miss you, but in other ways, I am so thrilled you are over. A new season of life is about to begin, and I have no doubt it will be a rocky journey. Let's do it.

Chaos.

2010-07-27T08:47:00.004-04:00

As the summer comes to a close, I find myself looking back at all that has happened. God had a plan for me this summer and he brought me to Richmond for a reason. He put me in an uncomfortable spot. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my summer ending the way it did, with heartbreak and lonesomeness, but I am still confident it is for a reason.

God breaks us to glorify himself and as hard as that is, I'm starting to accept it. My stomach is in constant knots and feels awful every.single.day, but it's ultimately a continual reminder to lean on Him. I need to search in Him for strength and happiness. He loves me more than words can describe and He is enough.

Today I hold tight to these words, handed to me by a dear friend:

There is no situation so chaotic that

God cannot from that situation

create something that

is surprisingly good.

He did it at the Creation.

He did it at the Cross.

He is doing it Today.

-Handley C. G. Moule-

Linking up with Emily over at Chatting at the Sky.

Family

2010-07-26T15:20:00.001-04:00

For the most part, it's been a long lonely summer. Living in a town where no one is just around the corner and family is half a country away, I found myself wrapped up at night with my bible, begging for comfort from above. Most nights it was enough, and others were a struggle. Luckily, my family took time off of work to come visit me. The time I spent with them has turned into memories that are locked inside forever. I love them so much and God's timing for bringing them here could not have been more perfect.

Trip to DC: On the trolley we took to get to each monument.

Mom, Aunt Kari, Korie & I.

Korie & I at Barack's crib!

The ladies.

Nothing like dad cooking out, a cold Diet Mt. Dew and wonderful weather.

VA, Beach

My guys.

Dad took me on a date!

Both weekends were just what I needed. Both were full of laughs and good times, but sadly they ended too quickly. I love my family and am missing them more than ever at the moment. My dad always says, "you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family." And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Comfort

2010-07-22T17:08:00.002-04:00

She hangs up the phone as a tear trickles down her cheek. It runs over the smile that is quickly fading into a somber state. She cries out to the Lord as the tears stream faster and faster. Crying and yelling, she continues inquiring for answers. Praying for comfort, begging for help.

She stands and walks across the room, grasping the wall for strength. The cries are piercing and her breath is rapid and heavy. Crumbling to the floor, she is quieted by another's cry. She picks her head up from her hands only long enough to see the dog wailing with her, blocking out her own exhausting cries. Giving her the comfort to let out the built up emotions inside.

She inhales a deep breath, apologizing for her out burst, but asking again if He heard. Making sure He knows she loves Him and would be nothing without Him.

Enough

2010-07-20T20:08:00.000-04:00

Tthe Lord has shown me His control, His plan and His love in the bluntest of ways. God has watched me emotionally and physically crumble until there seemed to be nothing left. He has shown me another side of myself I hadn't seen. A side of comfort. A side all to hard to explain in words.

He didn't like it.

But He never left me. He never once took a step back to say hey, figure it out on your own, kid. He pulled me out of my comfort zone, making me struggle, cry, yell and pray. Pray on my hands and knees. And all the while, He wrapped me in His arms and made me feel closer to Him than ever.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before things can look up. Sometimes He has to make things hard for those of us who don't like to listen.

After the pain subsided just enough to where I was able to hear His voice, I was finally able to discern and accept what I had forgotten for a bit of time...

He is, and always will be, enough for me.

Visitors

2010-07-15T17:30:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow will be first time all summer I've had visitors in my home for more than five hours. This time, my mom, sister and aunt will be here for the entire weekend. I'm just 20 years old, but am hosting my family in my home. I will be the tour guide, I will make the plans and I will drop them at the airport when all is said-and-done. They will get to see where I have lived and grown for the last two months. They will get to see where I work, meet my boss/crazy co-workers and drive the route I drive everyday to get there. I'll get to show them the hidden treasures I've discovered in this city; the city I call home. They'll also get to eat from the garden I've loved and tended to through the hot summer days. Not only that, but they will get a taste for my personal life. I've grown more this summer than I did altogether last school year, and telling them about it via phone is just not sufficient. I will be able to hug them, kiss them and love them first-hand. I'm already excited to pick them up from the airport; I'm excited to be reunited once again.

It's Only Hair...

2010-07-14T16:15:00.000-04:00

That's what I kept reminding myself of Tuesday afternoon as I waltzed into the salon.

Since I was young (about 12-years-old) I wanted curly hair. Not spiral curls, just a little wave, something to change it up from the stick-straight hair I was ~~blessed~~ born with. In high school, I lost my drive for curls as the straightener became every girl's best friend. My friends were envious of my straight hair. Just quick blow-dry and it was perfect.

Since then, I've moved on from the trend and decided it was time for a change. Last Sunday I told my friend I wanted to get a perm. She got so excited and told me to go for it, and before I knew it, I had curls. (Peer-pressure is a dangerous thing!) I made an appointment for just a consultation, but two hours later it was done.

It's pulled part-way back with some bobby pins...

It gets a little carried away in the heat, but otherwise I really like it.

And hey, if I'm sick of it in a week, I can just befriend my straightener...

Beauty

2010-07-13T15:03:00.000-04:00

On a gloomy day, both emotionally and literally, I was blessed to find some beauty amongst. While doing some errands for work, this simple flowering tree caught my eye. Not a worry in the world, peacefully waving hello to its passer-byers. Knowing there is beauty among the dreary is the gift I share today. Things will turn around. He will be glorified.

Linking up with Emily over at Chatting at the Sky. Stop by.

Firm Foundation

2010-07-13T07:31:00.001-04:00

And no matter what life throws at me... yesterday, today and forever You are the same.

Finding Truth

2010-07-11T15:17:00.001-04:00

She battled the sloshing waves as she attempted to keep her head above water. The waves unceasingly crashed against her face. Inhaling the chilly, salty water; choking, gagging, unable to grasp a fresh breath. Weighed down, stuck in slow motion; afraid to swim, afraid to drown. She told herself to try and save herself just one more time as she was blasted with a surge of truth.

He tossed her a life preserver. Something to cling to. It was just enough to hold her head above the icy dungeon that wanted to pull her under. A glimmer of hope, a glimpse of faith. She clung to the preserver tighter than ever, accepting the offer for a safe ride home.

And Then I Struggle

2010-07-08T16:39:00.001-04:00

"If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience, or does he give them the opportunity to be more patient? If they prayed for courage, does he give them courage, or does he give them the opportunity to be courageous?" -Evan Almighty, Morgan Freeman.

Recently God placed me in numerous situations where I was presented with opportunities to change and do things differently, but I've failed. It has caused a struggle between my head and heart and the burden is beginning to get too heavy to carry. This push-pull battle has become a vicious cycle that's not only painful, but sinful as well. I'm destined to change it, but know the burden can only be lifted with the help of One. So please, just give me one more chance...

The Ups and Downs of The 4th

2010-07-05T22:32:00.001-04:00

In past years, the 4th of July was always a huge deal for my family. Parades, fireworks, the whole sha-bang. Last year I was able to spend it with the boyfriend and his family, but with each passing year, it's becoming less and less of a holiday. Going into this weekend, I was okay knowing I had nothing to do. I actually thought I may be able to catch a parade, but the closest was 35 minutes away.

As the weekend rolled on, I realized sitting on my bum was not the answer. So I got a little creative. I woke up early-ish on Saturday morning and caught the first of two World Cup games that were being aired. I didn't even take a bite of my breakfast when the dog decided he was more important....

Immediately after the game, we were off to the dog park!

It got a little busy, and Capo (say the word 'cape' and add 'o' to the end) is half Pit half Lab, which leads to a bit of rough play. We left after just 35 minutes because the other dogs weren't as in love with him as I am. In the end, we were probably at the dog park for less time than it took us to get there. Even with a GPS, I still manage to get lost...

....he didn't seem to mind...

After our trek to the park, I decided to use some of the food growing right in my own backyard to make a snack for the second World Cup game. Here's what I picked:

Basil & Tomatoes

I added an onion, some salt and wallah! Homemade(mostly)homegrown salsa. I have a picture of the salsa, too, but you see, I'm no Betty Crocker...and I assumed that using a Magic Bullet would chop it like a food processor. I was wrong. And it looked gross. But, it did taste DELICIOUS! (And fresh.)

For dinner, I decided to pick some more basil and lettuce. (c'mon, I was all alone and feeling crafty.)

I used the lettuce to make just a plain salad, but with the basil I made pesto sauce. I added some pine nuts and olive oil and here's what I ended up with:

In all honesty, it needed a bit of salt, but it was pretty good. Better than I expected for a first-timer, but not quite up to par with a casual Italian restaurant...I hope this whole cooking thing will come with time.

Sunday rolled around all too quickly, and it was surprisingly harder than I expected. I went into the weekend telling myself to be strong and that as I grow, traditions will change. I guess seeing crowds of people heading to their 4th festivities made it hard. Or maybe it was the constant fireworks in the distance. Or maybe it was the neighbor's party. Either way, I felt more alone than I have all summer.

I went to bed early which only lead to me wake early. It was just a normal Monday for me, except I think I was the only one on my side of town who had to work today. The road was empty, and once again my pity party arrived. I thought of my mom and sister who were at our city's parade at that very moment and wanted nothing more than to catch the next flight home.

Aaaaaand, apparently on holidays people don't like to eat at Chick-Fil-A. We were dead. I was bored. I decided to help out a friend, Geeta, who was trying to help a mother of three and clear tables at the same time. I leaned over to take a guest's tray, when I noticed a new guest had arrived. And what a guest it was.

Low and behold. Michael. He said at first I looked away, having not registered that it was him. Then my mouth dropped. Then I ran into the back, grabbed my stuff, and without saying goodbye to anyone, I left. (I promise, I don't normally do this, but we were dead, and I ultimately can work as many hours as I do -or don't- want.) We spent the day walking around my side of town:

Virginia Historical Society

Later in the evening we decided to have dinner somewhere on the river. We googled a few places and found just one that was right on the river, The Boathouse. We looked up the reviews and thought it looked like a laid back place. Of 28 reviews, didn't see one that mentioned the price so we assumed that meant it wasn't an issue-aka expensive. We pulled up and found this view at the restaurant: Downtown Richmond and the river:

We walked in and almost walked out after being given our water:

Totally nicer than we expected. Here's the inside of the restaurant:

We decided to share something, and let me tell you, this chicken caused problems. It came out undercooked.

And the wait staff felt awful. So they brought us this 'salad.' (mozzarella and tomatoes...?)

In the end, we laughed at the fact that we didn't ~~quite~~ fit in. In fact, we probably laughed more than anyone in the whole place. And that's okay. Because we enjoyed it.

All in all, my 4th of July weekend went from boring to memorable. Summer is more than half over so the countdown begins as junior year is just around the corner.

I'll end this long post with a sunest from the restaurant.

Thanks for sticking around til the end!

Project: Grow

2010-07-03T11:18:00.002-04:00

Late in the school year, a fellow RA held a program for people to come and plant their own wild flowers. Kelly and I wanted to attend, but knew bible study was more important that particular night. Needless to say, when we tried to go back and plant a pot for ourselves, none were left.

Last weekend I was at Target with the boyfriend and, as usual, I didn't make it past the little dollar (okay, sometimes $2.50) section. They were selling super cute pots and grow your own flower kits! If you don't know Kelly, then you probably don't know that she l.o.v.e.s sunflowers. It just so happened that they had sunflowers, so I couldn't resist.

Yesterday afternoon she came over for a few hours and we planted our new friends. She left this morning for a week-long trip to the beach, so she left hers here for me to care for. I feel like I should probably come up with some sort of metaphor as to how our flowers pertain to our friendship, but I really just wanted to share our project!

Hopefully in a week or so we'll have something more to show than dirt!

The in-between stage...

2010-06-29T17:23:00.001-04:00

In my last post I ranted about growing up. Don't get me wrong, I love growing up, but it's borderline scary. As of tomorrow morning, my 'roommate' Laura will be headed to New York to be reunited with her Husband for the rest of the summer. I've gotten so used to having someone to talk to and laugh with that I don't know if I'm ready for her to leave yet.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect place to live this summer while I'm interning here in Richmond. Laura and her husband (David) opened their home and welcomed me with open arms. David is currently in NYC interning for summer. (He's in Graduate school.) Laura had to stay behind because she is a teacher and had to finish the school year, but tomorrow she's heading up there to be with him. How's that for a summer break? ~~Totally jealous.~~

She is so excited that she giggles every time we talk about how she gets to be with David again. I'm so happy for her to be with him, but it's escalating the whole I'm scared of growing-up stage that I'm currently drowning in.

You see, when Laura leaves, that means I will be living in a two-story house all alone. Well not exactly alone, I will also be responsible for a dog and a cat. And a garden. This summer I've already had to learn to grocery shop, cook and clean. Not that I've never done those things before, but it has been humbling to realize that this is life. A life that is quickly approaching.

I like to think that this summer is a transition into my new life this fall. When I return to school, I'll be living in my own apartment and will have to continue to cook, clean and grocery shop. The whole living in my own house thing is just a prep-stage into my more permanent living situation this fall.

Or at least that's what I've convinced myself of.

Old Time Summer

2010-06-27T21:21:00.001-04:00

Remember when summer was the best time of year? A time where you'd (maybe) work a few hours and then plan something every single night to do with friends? And everyone was always free? What happened to the kids down the street?

What happened to bond fires and backyard camp outs? What happened to driving around with the windows down for hours on end? What happened to late nights and $7 movies? Since when did we start paying for everything? Why do we work so hard and get paid so little?

And what happened to summer love? You know, like in the movies where they'd head to the beach every weekend or to the park for the afternoon? When did long distance relationships become the new fad? Summer love is supposed to be full of memories and laughter, not distance and web cams.

So the ultimate question: When did I grow up? And when does it stop?

A Long Time Coming

2010-06-22T11:20:00.000-04:00

I flew home for a surprise visit last weekend and it was the first time I'd touched Wisconsin soil since March. It also happened to be the weekend of the Lighthouse Run, a 4-mile race down on the lakefront. My mom, sister and I have participated in this race for more than six years and it usually ends up that mom wins, then my sister Korie, and I usually pick up the rear. It's like clockwork.

This year, however, was a bit different. I beat both my mom and my sister, but there was never really any celebration. I crossed the finish line, and as a volunteer untied my shoe to remove my timer, I ran into a family who I played soccer with for years. As we started catching up, my sister ran over and said a friend told her that our mom didn't look too good at the finish line.

Korie and I grabbed a bottle of water and darted in and out of the crowds to find her. Mom's face was pale, her eyes were rolling back into her head and she wasn't making sense. For a woman who runs three or four times a week, this was not normal.

Thirty minutes later we were in the Emergency Room awaiting test results. In English, something was wrong with her heart and the doctor told us we'd be spending the night. Korie and I headed home for a quick shower and upon returning to the hospital, a surprise visitor sat next to her bed.

It was my dad. If you don't already know, my parents got a divorce over a year ago and aren't exactly friends. As Korie and I walked in and sat down, an emotion came over me that is too hard to describe. I'm not sure if I wanted to cry or laugh. You see, this was the first time my family had been in the same room in over two years. Two long years. I was overwhelmed. It was just like it used to be. This short-lived moment was all I needed. I expected to come home and make separate memories, some with mom and then some with dad, but that 20-minute visit was the best memory of all.

This precious gift is being shared over at Chatting at the Sky. Stop by.

Getting Ahead

2010-06-15T08:52:00.000-04:00

When I hear someone refer to a passage in the bible or a person who did something astonishing, I tend to smile and nod. And then I cringe. Most of the time I have no idea what they are talking about. I've lived in Christ for almost two years and I feel like I'm still so far 'behind.' I don't know who is really 'ahead,' but I think you understand what I'm trying to say. I wasn't brought up reading this book and now there's just so much to catch up on that it's overwhelming.

Yesterday during my quiet time I delved into my homework from the study I'm doing: Breaking Free. The first seven days are all about those who reigned in Isaiah's day. (And the mistakes they made...) When I finished yesterday I sat in awe. It took me a little more than an hour to get through a day of this homework, but I truly learned something.

All I needed was a bit of direction and God lead me there. He used Beth Moore to simplify some tongue-twisting scripture and helped me to understand and grasp the story. I legitimately know something beyond the fact that Christ loves us and died for us. (Okay, okay, I know a few stories like David and Goliath, but I think half of this world knows that story.) This study has continually amazed me, and I'm only in week one!

This gift of understanding and amazement is a part of Tuesdays Unwrapped, a place to enjoy the little things in life. Every. Single. Tuesday.

Breaking Free

2010-06-10T23:55:00.005-04:00

Last week at church, I sat alone. David and Laura, the couple I'm living with, were in New York moving David into an apartment for his summer internship, Kelly (the only person/friend I know here) was at a Red Sox game, and literally every other person I know at church was out of town. So there I sat. I wasn't lonely, nor did I feel bad for myself. I just sat. Quiet and content. Just as the Passing of the Peace time began-where we greet others around us- a woman immediately turned around and started talking to me. She was of about 69 years with the heart of a teddy bear. She introduced herself as Pat began pouring out to me how she felt I could use someone to talk to today. And then she began telling me about a bible study she's been praying about starting for college girls. At first thought, I was creeped out. Seriously? A woman I didn't know wanted to teach me about Jesus in her own home? I didn't even know her, and what was even more weird, she didn't know me.

Needless to say, we exchanged numbers and she called me later in the week. Our conversation was completely Christ-centered and I was starting to feel as if we were meant to meet. Her life has a very (okay, extremely...) similar story to my own. From her childhood, through her testimony. She invited me yet again to the bible study and told me to bring with anyone I'd like.

Well gee. I know one person in this whole city. So therefore, Kelly and I decided we'd go together tonight. We headed to Moe's beforehand to catch up on our weeks, pray about our upcoming evening and we were off. When we arrived, our hearts were warmed and our grins grew wide. This woman's home was full of nick-knacks. Not junk. It wasn't dirty. But every shelf was covered in trinkets and such. From bible verses, to american-flag-themed pieces. Each specifically placed. A home you would never get bored in.

After giving us a tour of her home, she led us to a room known as the 'garden room.' A room for teaching and praying, which looked as if it was once a garage. It was a large room and nicely renovated. Most people probably wouldn't have even thought twice about it once being a garage, but her house amazed me and I enjoyed studying it. It had roughly six tables covered in mix-matched table clothes, a staged kitchen in the back corner and a television in another, with chairs facing it in a semi-circle arrangement.

At first, we chatted and got to know each other. Kelly and I shared our childhood stories and testimonies. We shared what brought us to Richmond and what we hoped our futures would be like. Two other girls came as well. One was Pat's granddaughter who is just a year younger than me, Hunter, and the other is a girl who will be a senior at U of R this fall, Natalie. Throughout the talking and giggling, many connections were made (ie: Kelly, Hunter and Pat all have Celiac's Disease, and Hunter works with Kelly's younger sister--just to name a few...).

Originally I had planned to do Beth Moore's study on Daniel this summer, but the videos didn't work on my computer (thanks for trying Liz!). I think God wanted to use Beth Moore in my life, but I don't think I was ready for Daniel. (And apparently God felt the same way...)

I had no idea what to expect when Pat invited me to come. I didn't realize her daughter, Heather (Hunter's mom), would have already purchased us each our own copy of Beth Moore's Breaking Free study book, and have each lesson burned on a cd for us to listen to if we wanted to revisit it throughout the week. I didn't expect each of us to receive a copy of the book The Divine Dance, because she thinks every girl should read it. I didn't expect to get a little tote bag with a cute bow to carry everything in. No, I didn't expect any of this, but God has a way of bringing fellowship and love to those who trust His ways and pursue Him, the lost and other believers.

Dear Lord,

I thank you for putting me alone in that row. I thank you for turning Pat's head my way so I can grow this summer and break free from bondages that burden our relationship. Lord I pray that you will mold myself and these other girls into the women you want us to be. I pray for loving fellowship and that you will challenge us everyday throughout the study and beyond.

In your son's precious name,

Amen.

Go With Your Gut

2010-06-03T00:32:00.001-04:00

Do you ever day dream about something, wish it true, but then fail to take the steps to make it a reality? I used to do that, but not any more. When I want to do something (within reason, people...) I do it. We all know that life is too short to have regrets.

This summer my boyfriend and I are working in different states. The last three weeks have opened our eyes to the realization of how much we really rely on the One who placed us in this situation. We've had time to grow on our own and trust that the Lord has us where He needs us.

But c'mon people. I miss this boy. A lot.

I woke up on Tuesday morning and the first thing I thought about was how can I get off of work early and go visit him?

In all honesty, Tuesday wouldn't have worked, so I let it go. It just wasn't within reason. Today, on the other hand, was a different story. I went for it.

I woke up at the crack of dawn, hit the pavement for a much needed run, went to work early, and -praise the Lord- was able to leave early. We were completely dead and I wasn't needed. I packed my things last night and already had them in the car so I could head out right from work.

As I drove along the tree-lined freeway I must have imagined our 'reconnection moment' a hundred times. Each time started with a smile and ended with a kiss. I'm pretty sure I was even talking out loud to myself in the car. I was nervous. Like I was a 15-year-old girl heading to her first dance. I wanted it to be perfect.

A mere three and a half hours later, I pulled into a parking lot, called the special boy, and told him I was outside waiting for him. I'm not sure who had a bigger grin, but either way, it felt like it was our first date all over again. Three weeks without seeing each other and nothing had changed (except the jittery butterflies in my tummmy...).

And now it's midnight. The butterflies still haven't subsided, but the early morning drive home is just around the corner. As I lie in bed just a wall away from him, the reality of it ending is coming all too quickly.

It is undetermined as to whether or not tomorrow's ride home will be full of blissful memories of my short-lived visit or the heart wrenching wonders of when we will be together again.

As for now, my head is ready to hit the pillow and rest peacefully, knowing I made the right decision to come for a visit...no matter how short it was.

Hush

2010-05-29T08:32:00.000-04:00

A heavy heart is longing for love. Her Creator softens his hands and embraces her like a child. The comfort and tenderness is just enough to hush her to sleep.

To every up there's a down,
every left has its right,
most roads have a bump,
and each season holds a change.

Details

2010-05-25T14:18:00.001-04:00

I had a good bit written here about my gift, but it somehow disappeared, even after saving it.

So now I'll keep it short and let the pictures do the talking.

The gift I am consistently unwrapping this summer is the gift of slowing down. I've made it a point to take extra time to bask in God's creation. Try it, it's as soothing as a warm bubble bath on a cool autumn evening.

The heavens declare the glory of God,

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Psalm 19:1

Share a deep breath you've taken over at Chatting at the Sky.

It's my pleasure...

2010-05-22T20:55:00.004-04:00

As many of you know, that's Chick-Fil-A's signature wording for "you're welcome." Interning has been nothing but crazy, although extremely rewarding. I have unofficially become the new Marketing Director at our store in White Oak Village, a shopping strip in Richmond. The area was built only two years ago, but has quickly prospered into an area of hustle and bustle. Whether I'm sampling in the store, taking the cows to an NFL camp with Michael Robinson-San Francisco 49ers, Josh Morgan-San Francisco 49ers, Manny Lawson-San Francisco 49ers, Macho Harris-Philadelphia Eagles and Deon Butler-Seattle Seahawks, or answering the cell phone I was given (yup, you heard that right), I love it. I enjoy updating our website and our Facebook page as well as deciding on decorations for the store to promote our new Spicy Chicken Sandwich. You see? I'm learning. Literally, day-by-day. Some days I walk in and ask where they need me, and other days I jump right in with emails and planning. In a nutshell, that's what I've been up to.

As my six-day work-week came to an end this afternoon, I can only look forward to my day of rest tomorrow as I prepare for another long work-week that is quickly approaching.

Notice I mention only my CFA internship? The other one isn't worth talking about. I wouldn't really even call it an internship. I'll just leave it at that.

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Hey, if you're interested in free food, go online here and sign up for a free Spicy Chicken Sandwich coupon. You can try it this week before it premieres!

The end is near...

2010-05-10T22:18:00.001-04:00

With only four days left here on this crazy campus before we part for the summer, boyfriend and I decided a date was definitely in order. Not a romantic dinner date with flowers and candy, but a baseball game and Snoballs... I'll ~~tell~~ show you what I mean.

After eating dinner at the dining hall, we hopped into the car and cruised with the windows down over to Centennial Campus, our 'new' textiles/engineering campus. I needed pictures for a project and he was oh so excited to show me a few pretty sites he'd previously found....

It was a tad windy...

And then he thought it was okay to stand in the fountain...?

After the photo shoot was complete, we headed to Pelican's Snoballs. Next time you are in the Raleigh area, you must make a stop. For $1 you can get my size, and for $2.50 you can get ~~entirely too much sugar~~ Mike's size.

Of course there were 100 flavors, so how do you chose? You probably won't be surprised to hear that I picked Shrek and Michael picked Spongebob. (okay, maybe you're surprised about Shrek, but we couldn't both get Spongebob...) We had no idea what they would taste like, but we didn't really care...they just sounded cool. We asked the workers after we finished what flavors they were: Shrek=blue-raspberry/orange, Spongebob=lemon/pineapple. Delicious.

Once our sugar rush was complete, we headed to the baseball game and after we watched a movie. And I stayed awake the whooooole time! It was a relaxing and entertaining evening with a wonderful guy. This summer will be long and slow without him around, but I know we'll make the best of the situation God has put us in.

Addiction

2010-05-04T22:35:00.001-04:00

Addictions are everywhere. Here, there, yonder. Sometimes we don't even notice them, just referred to as a way of life or a necessity.

Today I had no choice but to admit to my addiction. I am so reliant on this pasty white machine that I sit and tap on day-in and day-out that I sometimes forget it's not perfect. As all things on this earth will do at some point or another, this plastic device let me down.

After heading into the Apple store at 10:30 this morning, it was given a diagnoses of a bad hard drive. Nothing was lost, thankfully they could save everything on their server and put it back on after revamping my tool-of-choice.

A long 10 hours I sat alone; so lost and disconnected. I couldn't check my email, Facebook, this blog, even the weather. I felt useless. It is almost ridiculous how much I missed it. How could I have become to dependent? Is it that I use it day-in and day-out for class? That professors are always emailing new information? Is it because my friends are always chatting about the latest YouTube video? Why is it that I'm so reliant on this machine?

After rushing home to check emails and such, I was ashamed at my actions: by not having my computer, I missed out on nothing today. I was able to study without it and got more than expected done. Including a quick swipe of the vacuum this afternoon...

How can I be so reliant on something that is no better than man, who I know is always going to let me down?

I know the generation I'm living in is known for being very technologically advanced and it's just a way of life, but I think it's more than just my generation. Have you gone a full 12 hours without your computer? Twelve hours doesn't seem like much, but it is. There are so many other things we can devote our time to...

2010-04-30T09:37:00.000-04:00

There are oodles of books in the Bible. Some I haven't ever turned to. The pages are cleaner than the snow on a fresh winter morning. Like Ezekiel. Hosea. Daniel. And oh so many more. I want to read them, study them, know them.

Someday.

Someday.

The Plan

2010-04-27T09:25:00.001-04:00

There's a plan for each and every one of us created in the palm of His precious hand. Last November, I planned my summer: I was going to head off to an unfamiliar place on Summer Project. When things didn't work out, I didn't understand. I didn't want to look past the bump in the road and trust there was something else out there for me; a plan I could not foresee.

This week I am celebrating God's plan for me. After receiving the internship in Richmond, I was nervous and anxious; where will I live, how will I make money? I thought God wanted me in Richmond or he wouldn't have given me this opportunity in the first place, but was I looking at this situation incorrectly? Was He tempting me to go, but in reality He wanted me to listen to others and turn it down? Take the paid job in Raleigh?

My doubts have vanished. In the last week and a half, I have found a place to live with a couple from the church I will be attending, and I have received a paid internship. I applied to be a cashier at a Chick-Fil-A and the manager called to offer me a position they haven't even created. They have a new product coming out and need a 'marketing intern' to help with promotions this summer. Yes, you heard right. They're creating a position just for me. I know, it doesn't make sense to me either...

God has me filled to the brim with confidence that Richmond is where He wants me to be this summer. He has made all of my worries run for their lives and anxious butterflies head for the hills. I'm not sure what He'll have in store for me once I arrive, but I can't wait to find out. His plan for me is clear to see; it just took a little faith and trust in the One who ultimately had my summer planned long ago.

Celebrate a gift you have received over at Chatting at the Sky.

Sin-Scale

2010-04-21T13:36:00.005-04:00

The sin-scale. It's that imaginary scale that we all subconsciously (or consciously?) rank our sins on. In the Creator's eyes, though, no sin is worse than another. It's all broken fellowship with the Him. All sin is a disregard for what we are called to be: Christ-like.

We so easily call-out other's apparent sin, but in reality we're all in the same boat. On the high side of the scale are those sins defined by society. You know, the heart breaking headlines about rape, belligerent drunkenness and murder. The community defines them as the downright worst-of-the-worst, but are they really any different from other sin? What about jealousy, anger and envy? Are those not as important? Would those be maybe a 1 or 2 on the scale?

It's easy to find myself being jealous of totally ridiculous things, angry about the smallest of problems, and envious of the grade the student next to me received. Is that not separating me from Christ? Should I not admit to it and ask forgiveness? They're so easily over looked, but they ultimately create a wedge between myself and the peace that I long for.

I know I wouldn't viciously murder someone, so next time anger and jealousy sneak up on me, I'll be sure to recognize it as no different than the other (more obvious) sins in the world. The sins that so easily and quietly separate us from the One who knows and sees all.

Summer Update!

2010-04-20T10:54:00.002-04:00

After what seemed like forever, I finally received an email informing me that I was awarded a position as a Richmond Kickers Grassroots Marketing Street Team intern. It's not the position I applied for, but I'll take what I can get. I was not sure what that long title even meant, but it sounds nice, right? These are the exact words from my new boss, "[you will be] attending events, creating and implementing new promotions and cultivating relationships in the community. Additionally, I would love for you to apply your planning and writing skills to contribute to our grassroots initiatives. I also envision you creating and maintaining a blog and bringing your PR background to the team."

So there you have it folks. A summer internship. Wahoo!

But...there's always a but...

It is unpaid. And located in Richmond, VA. If you do the math, that adds up to zero dollars and no place to live. The fairytale ending was pretty much replaced with worries and anxiousness.

Craigslist has become my new best friend and I've been glued to my email for the last two days. I do have a few options and have talked with a handful of people, but I'm nervous about living with a stranger. In a place I can't even visit before the day I move in.

By coincidence my church, Vintage 21, has a church-plant in Richmond called Redemption Hill. I was comforted by the thought that I won't have to search for a church that I will be comfortable in when I get there. At both churches there is a 'connection line' called The City. Ya know, email updates, information on what's going on, service opportunities. The works. I emailed the church just last evening explaining how I am involved with Vintage and am excited to get involved at the Hill. I asked if they have people who are looking to rent out rooms/apartments for the summer or even if anyone has a little summer job I can work at. A man emailed me back within the hour and I could almost sense that there was a smirk on his face while he wrote his response. His excitement was apparent as he informed me that one of the pastors at the church actually played for the Richmond Kickers for six years. Do you feel the connection I'm making?? He told me he would forward my email to those involved in The City and also to a few people he knows personally.

It's hard to not trust God in situations like these. He is so faithful and really is in control of it all. He knew where He wanted me to be this summer and I am thankful He chose this specific path.

*************************

Another option that has been presented to me is to live with a single mother to a 1-year-old girl. The rent is cheap and it's a beautiful apartment complex (mom thinks it looks more like a resort!) complete with two pools, a gym and a parking spot. We are going to speak on the phone this Friday night to get to know each other a little bit before any decisions are made. Keep me in your prayers!

My Not-So-Special Space

2010-04-15T10:53:00.001-04:00

This is the space where I soak up the love from One who created me. It's nothing special and it's never clean. The cups on the right are half-filled with coffee from who-knows-when and that orange isn't so orange on the other side.

It's not a cute little desk with verses framed and godly quotes aren't written in pretty hand writing hanging on the wall. Even though my door is closed, it's rarely ever even quiet. There's always girls giggling in the hall and sometimes I catch a moan or two from a tired grumpy soul that is dreading the day to come. Alarms ring for what seems like forever, and music blares while they shower their sleepy heads. Oh, sure, the flowers add a dash of pretty to the picture, but they're not even real.

It's really nothing special, but it's what I've got. Being a busy student and living in a residence hall doesn't leave me much choice. The only choice I have is to do it or not to do it. I've chosen to do it. I've chosen to look past the stickiness and noisiness around me and offer Him the time to teach me. To meditate on the book that speaks nothing but truth. He doesn't seem to mind, though. He always shows up with His game face on. Ready to convict me and love me.

Re-gifting

2010-04-13T11:17:00.003-04:00

Last night at the church bible study I attend, our leader left us with a challenge for the week: instead of always getting, let's see how we can give this week. As I pondered how I can give this week, I ultimately unwrapped a gift to share. It's nothing extremely significant, but something I plan to re-gift this week and in time to come: a gift of a simple compliment.

As I sauntered from my building at dusk Sunday evening, I had two girls tell me I looked pretty. It was a just handful of words, but it brightened my day and I humbly carried my head a little higher. Our Creator made each and every one of us special, and sometimes we just need a little reminder of how beautiful His creations really are-inside and out.

Instead of basking in the gift of a compliment I received this week, I'm going to re-gift it. They will not be fake or forced because in reality, there's no reason to make things up: everyone truly has good in them that just needs to be uncovered.

Sometimes it's subtle and sometimes it's not, but there's gifts all around us that need a little unwrapping. Give the gift of a compliment this week. Look to give instead of receive while unwrapping your gift over at Chatting at the Sky.

Roseanne

2010-04-08T11:03:00.003-04:00

Last night I was watching Roseanne, a (funny) show about a family who seems to be broken in every aspect. Towards the end of the series, they won the lottery and their daughter had a baby against all odds. In this episode (one of the last) they decided to pray before dinner. Watch this clip from minute 2:15 until 4:39. You'll probably laugh, but listen to what Roseanne says after the prayer.

*******

Do you ever worry about your tongue?

I'm not talking about an illness or a burned tongue from that piping hot cup of coffee. I'm talking about times when you're asked to pray in front of people. Are you intimidated by others who have more experience with it? Who use flowery language? Who pray for a solid eight minutes without taking a breath?

When I listen to others pray I sometimes ponder how they think of those intelligent sounding words. Other times I don't even really understand what they mean. Then there are the times when the prayer is so intense that I feel like God is going to walk into room and fulfill our prayers right then and there. Have you ever felt like that?

I used to get really nervous when some would ask, "who wants to pray to open/close this meeting?" I used to think that I wasn't a very good pray-er. When I say that, I mean I don't use language that others have to translate later and I don't carry my prayers out until someone falls asleep. I don't do these things because I know they're not necessary. I'm not saying I don't like those long, intense prayers, I really think they're beautiful, it's just not something I (can) do.

God knows what is on my heart. He knows what I am trying to say. No flowery language or length is going to be the deciding factor in my prayers getting through to Him. The book of Mathew reminds us that we don't need to show off or worry about our prayers. He hears us.

Matthew 6:5-12

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. "This, then, is how you should pray: "'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

In the end, we're all good pray-ers. No one prayer is better than the next. If it's from the heart and asked for with Godly intentions, it is real. And He knows it.

Roseanne ended with, "Words are like...my thing."

They are truly everyone's thing, so don't compare yourselves to others.

Conviction

2010-04-06T09:10:00.005-04:00

The dark one creeps in as if to say hey it's OK, I won't be here long. I go about my schedule as if nothing is different, but deep down something is a little off. Something is not right, this isn't me.

A friend's innocent, unintentional words were enough. Enough to make me realize something needs to change. Something to pull Katie back to earth, to be content with life, friends and my Savior.

Unintentional. The words she spoke were not thought of beforehand. No planning involved. He knew. He knew what I needed to hear. He picked someone to speak through and I got it. It soaked in, seeping deep into my wounds and healing them. Making me whole again.

Today I am celebrating the gift of conviction over at Chatting at the Sky. Our flesh tells us we do not like this feeling of conviction, but where would we be without it? Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes it's plain as day. Either way, its another way my Savior proves himself as the One in control.

Just a Memory

2010-04-05T09:45:00.001-04:00

A cozy house at the end of the pond. Doors wide open, windows waving a friendly hello. Always neat and tidy, everything in its own place. Subtle floral prints, egg shell and white covered the walls and furniture. Each room had its purpose, each with its own memory. One room for evening bonding, one room for morning newspaper flipping.

The kitchen table was just big enough for a few of us, covered with sandy-colored square containers filled with reheated vegetables, picked the previous day from the garden. He wore a button up plaid shirt, always smelling like aftershave with a hint of sawdust and iron. She with a nice pair of slacks and a pastel blouse, a light scent of powder on her face and fresh lipstick was always applied.

Chinese checkers was the only game we'd ever play; the only game not missing pieces. Reclining in the chair, he'd fall asleep mid-game, but our giggling always woke him up. He'd join in again with a chuckle and act as if he was just 'play' sleeping. She'd come down the five or six wooden stairs, bearing candy in hand. Always the hard candies, shaped similar to the individually wrapped mints, they were either the 'red kind' or the 'yellow kind.' The type where you had no choice but to suck on it for a long while in hopes that eventually it would be small enough to chew. Long enough where we'd end up forgetting to ask for more. She knew us too well.

We'd head to bed, scared out of our wits. The train would roar past, the trees would stretch their arms and scrape the windows. With little sleep, we were awakened by the sun and the smell of pancakes. Pancakes the size of the frying pan. He always knew how to flip them without breaking them, unlike mommy's little ones with soupy insides. These were special and made with grandparent-love.

***********************************

The memories of two loved ones jogged my memory this weekend as a conversation of grandparents floated innocently back and forth across the table. These memories have been locked in my brain for more than seven years. That's how long it's been since I've seen them, laughed with them and hugged them.

Being the baby of the family meant I had the least amount of time with them, but I truly believe I made the most of it. I was too young to be preoccupied by my looks, my schoolwork or serious worries of the world. I soaked in every moment I had with them, but it never crossed my mind that they wouldn't be around forever. The long days of fishing with grandpa and picking through grandma's jewelry at twilight seemed endless.

These few memories will last me a lifetime. The only thing I have left. A house just a few yards away. A house that scared me at night but loved me during the day. Grandparents who loved me unconditionally and treated me like a princess.

Eyes Fixated

2010-03-26T09:15:00.006-04:00

The morning alarm brings a smile to my face. Unlike any other day of the week, I jump out of bed. It's the end of the week, beginning of the weekend. I am already excited about a fun outing with friends. It's the end of stress, beginning of relaxation. Just three classes and it's me time. No professors yelping, no stuffy lecture halls. Just me. On my time.

But wait. Saturday brings a 7AM volunteer opportunity, immediately followed by a review session with classmates. And after? Probably flipping through textbooks, burying my nose deeper and deeper for the evening. A baseball game at 6:30? Only if there's a book in my hand. A few laughs, home-runs and peanuts never distracted anyone, right?

Oh and Sunday? After church I'll relax and meditate on the teachings of the day. Bask in the light that has been preached and absorbed. Er, wait. I wish. Back to the books. And around 2pm I'll be heading to a socially awkward meeting to get-to-know my co-workers for next year. And after that? Back to being a bookworm.

Would you look at that? It's already Sunday night. The weekend has passed and it's time to put the knowledge to work: pass the exam, present the presentation, turn in those papers. Come Wednesday, a weight will be lifted off and it'll be time for another break. A treat after a strenuous couple of days.

Hold on, is any of that important? The answer is no. As I enter this busy weekend, I will keep my eyes fixated on Christ and the strenuous weekend he had. His life was on the line and it's a mere letter grade that I'm anxious about. As I worry about exams and papers, it's starting to sound so petty and selfish. It's too easy to become wrapped up in myself. He died for me and ultimately He has the power to pull me through this little bump in the road.

I need to be aware of the fact that the true celebration does not start when the answer sheet is filled and the papers are in the hands of my professors, but rather the quickly approaching East Sunday is the true celebration.

And it will be glorious.

Is It Possible?

2010-03-24T10:19:00.002-04:00

When I walk outside, I feel the cool breeze wisp across my face and the warm sun welcoming me with open arms. The Carolinas are such a beautiful place to breathe, grow and live. I love it here. Flowers are springing into action and crawling out from hibernation. Trees are stretching their arms and sending buds into the world. Beauty has over taken the death of winter.

People are relaxed and always open up their home. Smiles are exchanged between strangers on a regular basis, and everyone is accepted.

But I've always wondered. Am I really a part of this southern culture? Am I still a visitor? Will I always be a alien in this place? Always known as the Yankee?

But the real question at hand: Is it possible to become a Carolina girl?

I've done some research and Urban Dictionary tells me this:
"a girl who prefers pearls to hemp, who has always been daddy's favorite and also carries a sweet southern accent no matter where she is. To a Carolina girl, polka dots are always in style and as long as the beer is cold- its drinkable."
and this
A female from the Carolinas -NC or SC who has respect for her family and friends. At this point in time, she usually has a career and/or family - she can manage all that comes in life.You should be so lucky to meet one.
and this
A girl from South or North Carolina who not only originates from the Carolinas but acknowledges her heritage and accepts it.
Source

Okay, so I don't originate from the Carolinas,
I think my sister was always daddy's favorite,
and I don't drink beer.

BUT:
Northerners tell me I've picked up a southern accent,
I respect family and friends,
and I can sometimes rock the polka-dot look.

So who gets to decide?

Consumed

2010-03-23T19:35:00.005-04:00

In a world where image is everything and
hope is so easily lost,
it's easy to become consumed and broken.

Consumed by the media,
broken by things of the flesh.

Feeling pushed and pulled.
Feeling stuck in one spot, but torn in another.

The obsession set in,
the worries took over,
a mindset written in stone.

Only One can stop this.
Only One can convict my heart.
Only One has control.

The One and only has stopped this.
The One and only has convicted me.
The One and only is back in control.

Go for it.

2010-02-28T12:43:00.003-05:00

For the last two weeks or so I've really been contemplating joining a Community Group at the church I attend here at school. Community Groups are like small group bible studies. A time and place where people meet to have fellowship, teach, learn and grow with their brothers and sisters in Christ.

You're probably wondering why I am joining another bible study if I'm already in one, right? Well my bible study, through Campus Crusade, currently has about 25 girls in it. On any given Wednesday night there are between 17-20 that come. Don't get me wrong, I love each one of them very much, but there's not a lot of intimacy. In such a large group it's hard to be vulnerable, hard to question things, hard to build relationships.

Last week I grabbed lunch with one of my bible study leaders, Liz, and I decided I'd talk to her about it. About how I was feeling about our study, how I needed a smaller, more intimate group. I also expressed how grateful I really am for her (and our other leader) and all of the time and effort they put into our study each week. I am grateful that so many girls have a love for Christ and are thirsty to learn.

I was very nervous to tell her how I was feeling, but in turn she was so excited to hear me open up. She was so encouraged that I wanted to get more involved with the church. She understood how I was feeling lost with the big group. She even went to the website of my church and texted me with information!
~~~~
Fast forward to this morning at church. As we walked through the front doors, the weekly handouts were placed in our palms, coffee was brewing, and doughnuts were being gobbled. We headed to find a seat and low and behold, on every chair was a flyer. A flyer about an upcoming meeting. The meeting was for people who are interested in joining Community Groups.

WHAT?

God knew I had been really praying and contemplating checking this out, and He decided to give me that little push I needed. This Tuesday at 7pm I will be attending Community Group meeting to hopefully receive more information and maybe even get plugged into a group!

Don't get me wrong, I am still very nervous. In groups of believers I do not know, I am very timid to share my relationship with Jesus. I feel as if I'm always the one who knows the least and doesn't have the right answer to everything. I know deep down it's not about how much knowledge I really have, but rather it's about my relationship with Christ. In other words, I will be attending the meeting, ready to learn, love and a maybe join a new group!
~~
Here's to hopefully finding my place!

Inconveniences

2010-02-22T17:20:00.010-05:00

The morning alarm screeched obnoxiously in my ear.

My shower was nothing but a mere ice-bath.

My room smelled like rotten apple cores.

The bitter air snapped at my cheeks.

The rain soaked my hair.

My boots carried more water than I'd washed my body with this morning.

Expressionless professors babbled for hours on end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grumbling stomachs, no food for days.

Mouths like deserts, craving a mere drop of water.

Robbery and death have become the norm.

Tears streaming, no one to console them.

Blood rushing from gashes and limbs.

No shelter or warmth as the sun sets.

Children with no one to care for them.

Today I am unwrapping the inconveniences listened above the line. Each inconvenience truly made me think about how blessed I am. Each is a gift and a reminder to be thankful that I have a phone to set an alarm on. Thankful for a shower, the apples I ate yesterday, the refreshing rain drops, the boots on my feet, and the education I am pursing. Each is a gift given to me undeservedly.

Below the line are the things I am praying for today. The real troubles that matter in Haiti as I type this and as you read this.

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

I am unwrapping my gift of inconveniences today over at Chatting at the Sky. Won't you join?

Heart of Gold

2010-02-15T16:27:00.004-05:00

This past week boyfriend has made me feel extra-special! Besides hiding flowers, notes, candy & ice cream in my room everyday before Valentine's Day, (just a little bragging, sorry...) today he me made me very proud.

Unexpectedly I received a phone call from him in between class. I was already seated, but decided to move into the hall to answer. He started asking how my day was going and such, but what I was really wondering was what the heck are you calling for?

We chatted for a few minutes and he started talking about how they had to pick partners in Spanish. My next thought was why are you telling me this? I am taking Spanish. I already know this.

He continued to tell me that he chose a girl to be his partner. I started thinking maybe he was trying to be the considerate boyfriend so I wouldn't think he chose her because she's cute, funny or charming.

But then he continued to explain a little bit about her.

This unique girl has a brave soul and depends on a walker and speaks very slowly. Her movements are slow and steady. She explained to him that she was in a traumatic accident and has brain damage from it. She can think normally, but everything just takes time. He told me she asked him for a piece of gum and it took her four to five minutes just to open it.

He looked past her imperfections and saw a normal girl. Not pitying her or judging her. He just wants to help.

I was so proud of him for volunteering when he could have easily picked the class brainiac or the blond sorority girl. He chose a girl whom others might have turned away from.

I'm proud of him. He showed his love for others when he could have taken the easy road out. And that's the gift I'm sharing today. The gift of selfless love.

Unwrap your gift over at Chatting at the Sky.

Credit Where It's Due

2010-02-10T09:01:00.001-05:00

This past week or so has been one of the best weeks I've had since beginning semester. I received two important/satisfying grades, am losing some weight, am able to run nine miles, and my relationship with my boyfriend is better than it has ever been...

I'm a very cheery girl. I wake up and I'm actually excited to face the day. Normally I'd roll out of bed wondering when the best time would be to fit in a quick cat nap. Wondering how I'd stay awake in class. Worrying about this or that.

But not recently. Life's been different. And I have to give credit where it's due.

When semester started out I was this girl. Masked, hiding, hating the world. Not knowing what the days would bring. More sadness, anger, fear?

When I walked into the bathroom last night to wash my face and brush my pearly-whites, it hit me. It's a weird place, I know, but looking into the mirror I realized I'm not happy because of Katie. I'm not happy because I'm losing weight. I'm not happy because my relationship is going well.

I'm happy because God has taken control of my life again. He knows I've suffered for Him and the Kingdom.

At this moment in time, God has brought me out of that crazy state of mind. I feel as if God is saying "you've suffered for me so now rejoice in me." I owe all of my happiness, joy and achievements to Him.

So thanks, God, for being You and allowing me to be the real me.

Too many times we only seek God in times of need or trouble. Let's change that today.

Are you having a good day? Give credit where it's due and thank the Lord.

In College. In Shape.

2010-02-09T08:30:00.004-05:00

In College. In Shape. is the name of the new blog a friend and I have started. My running buddy, Kerri, and I love to be healthy and encourage others to do the same. So we've started a health blog. We started a completely new one because we don't want to force our readers at our personal blogs to have to read it. If you want to, great! But I'm not forcing it down your throats!

You can check it out here.

We'll be writing about different health/food issues we face here in this crazy world we call college and hopefully be an encouragement to some of those girls out there who are trying to lose lots of weight, 5lbs or just trying to be a bit more healthy. (I myself am trying to lose some weight, but Kerri is just maintaining hers. 2 different perspectives for the readers! We'll also be blogging about our half marathon that's coming up in a little over a month!)

Nutrition/food/exercising is Kerri and I's little obsession, (I guess you could call it our anti-drug) so why not put it to good use?!

Happy Eating.

Anxious

2010-02-08T10:01:00.005-05:00

It's about that time again: time to start planning what I want to do with my life over the upcoming summer. It's crazy to think I have to plan for the summer when semester is just getting underway. I have a few options in mind, but as we all know, usually things don't quite go as planned.

Here's what I'm thinking:
I have applied to be a Summer Conference Assistant (SCA) here at school. They do all of the check-in/outs of the camps/conferences which stay on campus for the summer, along with lots of administrative work, etc. (This position is through University Housing.) I'm also applying for two different internships (which are probably unpaid because they had no information on the application about a stipend or hourly wages. Boo). I don't know where to begin, but I guess it'll depend on whether or not I even get the jobs.

Things I'm taking into consideration:
1. The SCA job will pay for housing and a small meal plan (+)
2. The internships provide hands-on experience in the field I am pursuing (+)
3. Both internships are probably unpaid (-)
4. Both internships are in Virginia (-/+)
5. I haven't been accepted to any of the positions yet (applications are due late February) (?)

I know it's out of my power as to what will happen for this summer, but I hope the answers will start to roll in soon! (Yes, I need to work on not being anxious, but I just want to know!)

p.s. If any readers know of an internship that have to do with Communications, give me a holler.

What would you have done?

2010-02-04T15:52:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I was lucky enough have my first class canceled. Great! I get to sleep in! Or so I thought...

Being lazy the night before, I did not get any of my work done for the day ahead. Instead of catching an extra hour of sleep, I got up at the normal hour and headed to Port City Java with boyfriend to enjoy a cup of coffee. Around 9 he left for class and I diligently got to work on everything I should've done the night before. A rush of people began pouring in and out of the coffee shop as the 15 minute passing period in between classes had begun.

Trying to stay focused, I continued typing away on my computer. A few seconds went by and all of the empty tables around me quickly filled up with students enjoying their scones and coffee. I looked up saw a heavier-set African American girl about to take a seat just sit kiddy-corner in front of me. She smiled and I said good-morning as she took a seat. She got out her notebooks and textbooks and started studying for the exam she (probably) had later in the day.

Minutes later, students realized the time and headed off to their next class. The area was clear except for a few of us at the tables and a group of 2 guys and 3 girls standing in a circle laughing away. Trying not to allow it to break my concentration, I continued along with my work. Moments later one of the guys caught my eye as he approached. He was laughing and jokingly walking up to the girl sitting kiddy-corner from me. I didn't know what was going on, but for some reason I continued to watch. He walked up behind her acting as if he was going to say hey and put his arm around her. Wrong. As he was about to touch her, he turned around to his friends and said "yea right!"

He was making fun of her. The whole time they were standing there, he and his friends were mocking this innocent girl who was merely working on her homework, not bothering a soul. And she would never know. Does that make it okay?

I was so shocked I froze. Could that really have happened? Was it because of her weight? Her race? How could someone be so cruel? How could that seem funny to his friends?

I should have said something to them. I wanted him to make eye contact with me so I could stare him down and let him know that I saw, but he never looked back. He and his clan left the coffee shop without thinking twice. On with their lives. Onto the next person he would so easily mock.

My heart ached. I didn't know what to do. I was so upset, but knew my anger would not change his heart or his actions. I sat and prayed that God would take away this anger from my own heart.

A few minutes later the girl left and that was the end of it. I did nothing and said nothing, but what could I have done?

A Cozy Place To Be

2010-02-01T20:44:00.008-05:00

A friendship should be a cozy place

where a secret is a secret,

laughs are present,

tears are welcome,

and love is prominent.

A friend is someone who will tell you when there's something in your teeth,

that your outfit needs adjusting, and that you need a reality check all together.

Someone once told me "it's better to have a few genuine friends rather than a bunch who you know nothing about." A year or so ago I'd have disagreed, but I soon came to see what a true friend is. I don't have a thousand or a hundred, but enough in which I am very thankful for. Proverbs 18:24 says "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Quantity vs Quality. Which is more important to you?

Proverbs 27:6 says "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." A friend who offers heartfelt advice is a true friend. One who offers opinions to make themselves feel/look better is not. Do you offer your opinions for the wrong reasons? Put your friends before yourself. I've heard it stated like this before as well: Love God, your neighbor and then yourself. Sometimes we forget and love ourselves over all others, but if you just keep it in alphabetical order, everything will line up...

I am so thankful for each and every one of my friendships. Each being unique and special. Each holding a special place in my heart. Each is a gift I unwrap with every passing moment.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13

Ah ha!

2010-02-01T11:44:00.001-05:00

I fixed it.

Patience.

The Lord always slaps me in the face with patience.

And I appreciate it when He does.

Mistake

2010-01-31T17:38:00.002-05:00

This afternoon I got bored. And when I get bored I do dumb things. I tried to upload a new template for my blog, ended up 'upgrading' something, and I now cannot upload any template except for the ones given to us by blogspot. If anyone can help me, I'd very much appreciate it. For now, I'm stuck with what I've got.

As for the new title, I decided to change it up a bit. I wanted my title to be inviting and understood by everyone. Sweetly Broken is a term many did not understand and utimately it turned those away who do not know what it means to be Sweetly Broken. But that's alright! If people are more open to Miles From Home, more power to them.

Have a great week everyone! And please let me know if you know how to fix my blog!

(There's no longer a button that says 'upload files' under Layout and what not. I don't understand! and I'm getting a little bitter here, blogspot...)

Sugar-Free, Please.

2010-01-30T11:58:00.007-05:00

My new drink of choice lately: coffee. It makes no sense at all. I despised coffee for years, referring to its taste as burnt-water-like. After going through phases of addiction to Diet Mountain Dew and then Diet Coke, I unexpectedly gave it another try.

While out in Colorado, my sister had a Starbuck's coffee with a bit of caramel flavoring. I took a sip because I couldn't feel my fingers and my body ached from the chills and breeze. I was desperate to warm up. The catch: I ended up loving it. Since then I've bought a coffee maker, coffee, sugar-free flavoring from Starbuck's and three coffee mugs from Goodwill (and they're super cute!).

Never in a million years did I think I'd ever like coffee. How could I ever cross that bridge? How different my taste buds are now. How desperate I was to take that sip, but how it changed my mornings immensely.

Because of my new found love, my mornings start with a smile now instead of a grumpy eye-roll. And although my mornings are more positive, there's still another 14 or so hours in my day. What happens when the coffee pot is empty? For that I have my Creator, who changed my life forever. My days are different now. My outlook is different now. My family was going through a tough time, a friend had been diagnosed with an illness. I didn't know where to turn, so I looked up. Like the coffee, I never expected Christ to ever be a part of my life, but He was at the right place at the right time, just like that coffee on a chilly day. How crazy He works like that...

He surrounds me when I'm cold and bitter, cheers me up when I'm down, and fills me when I'm emotionally empty. For those reading this post who don't have Him in your life, try it. Having a rough day? Give Him a chance. Let Him be your light. Let Him quench your thirst. Serve Him. Love Him.

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life.

He who comes to me will never go hungry,

and he who believes in me will never be thirsty..."

John 6:35

Re: Unexpected Friendship

2010-01-28T23:04:00.005-05:00

My running buddy, Kerri, wrote a wonderful post about our friendship and I'd like to share it with you here.

2 Is Better Than 1

2010-01-25T22:26:00.013-05:00

Today I have two gifts to share. Okay, okay, I know the gifts we unwrap over at Tuesday's Unwrapped aren't usually actual "hey, this is for you" sort of gifts, but I want to share one with you anyways.

...after a long emotional roller coaster of a week, boyfriend woke me up from a nap with these B-E-A-utiful flowers. It most definitely put a smile on my face and

showed that he really cares and is striving to see the joy restored in my life. He can always make me smile. *sigh* gotta love the southern boys...

(I realize this is no 'Chatting at the Sky photo', but I do what I can with iPhoto...)

Anyways, onto the 2nd gift I'd like to share. You may remember this post from back in December. Once again, so sorry if I scared you with my repulsive-looking room, but this week I'm unwrapping my gift of organization-to prove to you all that I really am organized. When I need to be. (Only on occasion does Hurricane Katrina sneak into my room when I'm not here...)

Being as involved as I am, I truly am thankful I can balance it all. Between being an 18-credit-taking-student, an RA, training for a half marathon, leading the Community Team for Crusade, attempting to have a social life and a boyfriend, life can get pretty hectic. I don't know what I'd do without my yellow planner. I'm so thankful for this thing and how organized it forces me to be. Really. I am. Welcome to my February:

Green is for meetings.

Orange is for assignments.

Yellow is for big papers/exams.

Black Pen is for social plans/bible study/races/Crusade/birthdays.

(p.s. we have not done the work schedule for the nights I will be on-duty as an RA. When I add those in, I guess I'll have to find another highlighter...)

I hope you are able to find a little gift to unwrap today over at Chatting at the Sky. It'll probably be more meaningful than mine, but hey, little things float my boat.

Masked

2010-01-23T17:32:00.006-05:00

Behind the smile, laughs and energy is a girl who is just barely trudging along. A friend approaches her wondering about classes, the weekend and life. Her response is always chipper and intriguing, but her inner self is screaming at her to end the lies.

For a week she hides behind the untruthful answers and smiles, hoping to fool just one more person. 'If one more person thinks I'm content, I promise I'll confide in the next person and reveal the truth. I'll open up, get it off of my chest.'

Another few days pass and still she is lost in the darkness, still hiding behind her accomplishments and titles. Her heart is burdened, longing to feel loved and soothed with His presence. How did it get to this? What did she do? She must have done something to deserve these feelings. She must have.

Reading the Word was not satisfying, nothing was making sense. The words merely became a blur and a chore and soon after, anger was her reaction to everything. Anger towards her Creator, anger towards the morning alarm, anger towards the bad weather, and even anger towards those that love her.

A week and a half had come and gone. She continually read His word, even though she knew it may not mean anything to her. Was it a waste of time? Was she depressed? Why was she so lost? More unanswered questions continuously fluttered by.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, she felt comforted in the presence of a friend, someone who has just come into her life within the past year. A girl who does not judge or accuse. A girl who listens without diagnosing. A girl who truly has compassion for her sisters in Christ.

At the most unplanned moment, she poured the feelings that had so taken over her life onto her friend. She asked for prayers and love, and the weight was somehow lifted off of her shoulders. Sharing the pain was enough to spark something inside of the down-trodden, lonesome girl.

What were these feelings coming from, you ask? She may never know, but what she does know is that she does not have to bear it alone any longer.

Girls, Girls, Girls

2010-01-22T17:14:00.007-05:00

The other day I had lunch with a girlfriend. To tell you the truth, I was in a peeved mood to start off with. Our conversation was a bit dull at the beginning, but thankfully my friend carried most of it. We ate our lunch, caught up on our first week or so of classes and ultimately got onto the subject of boys. She is in a steady relationship with a guy as well as I. We can relate on a lot of levels, more than we actually ever imagined.

My friend is such a Christ centered young lady. She relates everything back to Christ and looks at things from angles I never would have. Being a believer, I sometimes feel as if people are always looking at me to be the perfect girl. In school, sports and even within my relationship. But as we all know, no one is perfect. We are all far from perfect.

³³ It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

2 Samuel 22:33

My friend and I realized today that we are just two imperfect girlfriends. Not that we ever thought we were perfect, but that we both do the same things to make us imperfect. We both have jealous moments, play dumb mind games with ourselves and the guys, and feel horrible afterwards. Things such as us making plans in our own heads and when they have another plan, it's their fault. What? That's nonsense. Why do we do this?

We hate that we do it and have realized it. That's the first step. Realization. God puts these feelings on our hearts to convict us. It is not Christ-like to be jealous, to blame, to feel guilty. Realization hurts, but God's way is the only way.

Chatting with girlfriends is unlike any other. Realizing that we struggle with the same things doesn't make us bad girlfriends, it makes us human. It makes me the imperfect girl that I am, striving to be the best for Him.

Be Still

2010-01-20T08:24:00.007-05:00

This was the first text I received today.

Dear God,

Please relieve the people of Haiti who are mourning and in pain.

Hold your earth still.

Break others' hearts to want to help.

We love you God, please, be still.

Be with them.

Warmth

2010-01-19T09:23:00.007-05:00

Yesterday it was about 65 degrees here in Raleigh. I was able to run with my suite mates in shorts and a short sleeved shirt. The last time I did that was last fall, and it is dearly missed. I feel as if the day when I can shove the Under Armour back into the closet is poking its head just around the corner.

As tired as I was, I got up a bit earlier and diligently worked on all of the unnecessary homework that was assigned, just so I could be outside a little longer.

As the guys played Ultimate Frisbee, I laid on my blanket and read Dear John. A book I'm actually in to! The other girls silently did homework or read, or just watched as the guys tried not to slip in the muddy puddles. The only sounds came from the field of play: yelling each others names or congratulating one another on a play.

A peaceful Monday afternoon. Dear God, please bring more warm weather. It makes life that much more enjoyable.

Routine

2010-01-13T16:31:00.007-05:00

After braving the cold for the third day in a row, I have completed day three of my third semester in college. Being back on campus places lots of new (and old!) routines back into place. And boy, have they been missed!

Every Monday/Wednesday/Friday, at 7:40 AM, I am startled awake by which ever pop artist I chose to set for my alarm the night before. I wake up, jump in the shower, and am expected to be out by 8AM.

If you have a 9:10 class and live in my suite, it can be quite a morning. Six of us this semester have 9:10 classes which can pose quite a jam with only two showers. Here's where the routine sets in: shower shifts start at 7:30 and every fifteen minutes you're expected to be out. I can no longer hit the snooze button and roll over for that much needed five minutes or I'll miss my time slot. Right off the bat, the minute I roll out of bed, my routine starts. Love it.

After the shower comes a bit of primping and preening as I get ready to face the world. Then it's off to Port City Java where I get my morning cup-of-joe, and from there I follow the same path to my classes everyday. (and in this cold, I take the quickest way possible!) I love knowing where I am going before I even leave. It makes the decision of which path I should take, or when I should leave, that much easier. My overall 'path' for Monday/Wednesday/Friday looks something like this: class, class, class, lunch, study/to-do's, class. Most of my work is done and my lists are normally full of check marks by 4:15. (at least for now...)

Change is good, but I love routine. It allows me to not have to think about what to do or where to go. It's already mapped out with a big "One Way" sign posted at every twist and turn.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a machine stuck in drive every minute of my life. My evenings do not really have a routine schedule. Sometimes I study, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I visit friends, sometimes I sit alone. I enjoy less structure after my work is done for the day and I've accomplished all I need to.

As for now, my routine for the day has come to a close and I have a few hours to do whatever I please. And tonight, after a long day, I'll be doing whatever is not written on the Post-It notes or scribbled on my to-do lists.

Here it goes...

2010-01-06T19:58:00.008-05:00

So many resolutions, so little time.

I've had oodles of time to sit and think about my resolutions for this upcoming year. Being on a ski trip will do that to ya. Skiing down a wide open mountain with only one worry: "will there be fresh snow to leave a mark on?"-leaves plenty of room for free thinking time. Not to mention our 20 hour drive there and 17 hour drive back. Plus the time in the evenings when everyone was too tired to do anything but sit on their rears and relax. Have I reiterated enough about how much time I've had to think about this?

January 1st is (personally) the easiest time to start fresh and new. For me, it's really hard to start things with no 'starting marker.' It's almost as if I need a start & finish line. (of course, the finish line always being a long ways away...) Now, don't get me wrong, throughout the year I always add mini-resolutions. I don't wait to change things in my life until the new year, that's ridiculous. But January 1st is, for me, a great time to think and fix. You get my point, moving on to the good stuff...

Here's a few things that I would like to 'realign' throughout this next year. (not all are mentioned, but here's a few of the better ones...)

1. Lose 10 lbs. This has always been a struggle. Since I'm (obviously) not playing High School/Club soccer anymore, my body likes to send any food I eat right to the wrong places. Remember this post? Well, I'm back to it. And doing well! 3lbs have already 'fallen' off...'fallen' as in with a lot of self-controlled eating and exercise. Here's to not giving up!

2. Rid of my stubbornness. Yes, I'm a stubborn person, and I know it. So then why can't I stop? Well, you know you shouldn't be eating that chocolate cake, drinking that soda, or indulging in a huge meal, etc...but then why do you do it anyways? Some things we know we have to change, but it's just not that easy. Since the 1st I have really tried to be more passive (in a good way) and ask myself, "in 3 seconds, in 3 days, in 3 weeks, will this matter? Let it go..."

3. Read more. Of course, the bible is mostly what I am referring to here. I am going to try and make more time for Him instead of me. If I can get up and go to the gym @ 7AM, why can't I spare an extra 30 minutes for the One who is so much more important than myself? Beyond studying the bible though, I want to spend more time reading books in general. With homework and papers flying around all day, books are usually the last thing I want to look at when I crawl into bed, but I know there is a lot out there that I could really benefit from and really enjoy. (Any suggestions? Romance novels are a favorite...duh.)

4. Be intentional. I want to make it known to my friends that I care. I want to call instead of text. Walk by their place instead of emailing. Web chat instead of face-booking. This technology-based world has really killed some people's social skills. Time to bring them back.

5. Study. I know I should study harder. I am a social butterfly and don't like to even go to the library alone. Don't get me wrong, I am doing well in school, but I know I can do better. Always room for improvement. Always room to kick it up a notch, "Bam!"-okay, enough Emril. With 18 credits this semester, my plate is definitely full which means I really need to bunker down and spend some quality time at good old D. H. Hill Library...

and lastly.

5. Stay positive. If I fail at all of the above resolutions, I want to go down swinging. I want to know that I truly tried-that I labored over each and every one to the best of my ability.

So here's to a happy & healthy 2010.

Isaiah 41:10

To come...

2009-12-31T22:00:00.005-05:00

As I sit in Colorado debating when to celebrate New Years (either at 10pm here-NY time, or actually at midnight), I continually think about not only my new years resolution(s), but my accomplishments (and failures) of 2009.

Time to move on. New beginnings. 2010, bring it on.

I will write more in detail early this coming week when I am back in NC!

But as for now, best wishes in the New Year!

One for the books.

2009-12-28T18:00:00.006-05:00

For those who don't know, my birthday is December 26th.

That in itself is enough for people to say "aw, I'm so sorry." (who wants to hear that about their birthday in the first place??) Over the past few years it has just become ritual to not make my birthday a big deal. People are too tired after the holiday (which is to be expected) and are never up for a 'get together'.

This year I expected nothing out of the ordinary, due to the fact that on the 26th at 3:00 AM I would be hitting the road for Colorado with my two cousins and sister--meaning I would be in a car for 20 hours... on my birthday. Wonderful.

As Christmas night quickly approached though, plans changed dramatically. It ended up that my cousin Lee booked our condo starting on the 27th (not the 26th) AND there was a huge snow storm in Kansas which closed parts of I-80 (which is what we take to get to Colorado...). So all was looking up! I wouldn't have to be in the car until 4pm on my birthday!

But as we all know, yet again, nothing went as planned. I woke up with the flu. Not a headache, chills, or a cough. Legit puking. I felt horrible. My mom had to pack my bag for me and I laid around all day and slept.

Looking back, I'd rather be in a car or do absolutely nothing by myself on my birthday instead of being sick --so I won't complain about having a 'quiet' birthday from now on...

On the up side, I feel great, we made it here safely, and skied all day today. The scenery is gorgeous and the fireplace is cozy...all is well.

The Rush

2009-12-18T12:41:00.005-05:00

Every time I come home, this is how I feel: rushed.

In a hurry to see everyone, spending time with both mom and dad (trying to keep things somewhat equal, which never works out), baking, buying, wrapping. It never ends.

As of now, I think I have everyday planned out until Christmas (and after: a trip to Colorado with the cousins!). I think my only 'open' time is this Saturday night, Sunday night, and Monday night-but I have plenty I should be doing in that time, i.e: starting/finishing a present for a certain special someone. (plus maybe a birthday get together and a mother/daughter dinner with some friends) So really, I don't have much free time.

Sometimes it's nice to get in a rhythm and caught up in the hustle and bustle, but right now I'm starting to worry about how I'm going to get things done, see my mom, dad, sister, aunts/uncles, and my friends in the short amount of time I am home.

I really do love being on break and seeing everyone, but I need to manage my time here a bit better. I should not have tried to start making gifts the week before Christmas and maybe I should've been baking while instead I was at the gym. I probably should've gotten up an hour earlier and I probably shouldn't be blogging right now.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda, blah, blah, blah.

Now I'm done complaining.

I know everything will work out, the presents will be done with love and effort, and I will feel good about getting everything done. I can do it.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

Change of plans

2009-12-11T15:31:00.006-05:00

It seems as if my running buddy (Kerri) and I will have a few extra weeks to train for our first half marathon. Tuesday night I stumbled upon the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon website only to find it was full. Sad.

As upsetting as it was, we did find another! (Like I'm surprised; there's about a bajillion of them out there.) Instead of doing the half marathon in Myrtle Beach on February 13th, we'll be heading right down the road to Cary, NC where we will be running in the Tobacco Road Half Marathon on March 21st.

Kerri actually is from Cary (I know...Kerri/Cary: cute) which means we're able stay the night before at her house and not waste money on a hotel room/extra gas money-not to mention that this race itself is $40 cheaper! (oh the life of a poor college student...)

What does this mean for YOU? Well, funny you asked. This means that if you want to start training and participate in it-there's still time! There's about 14 weeks until the race and I have a great 12 week program anyone can do if they set their mind to it! (Kerri and I are going to continue with where we're at, just doubling up on a few of the weeks mid-schedule.)

So grab a friend and ask Santa for some new kicks! Nothing like starting a workout plan just before the Holidays! C'mon, it's a great New Year's Resolution and a great stress reliever. Not to mention it's a boost to the self esteem when you finish a run you never thought you could...

On the schedule for tomorrow is a 5-miler, which I have never done in my life. Hope I didn't speak too soon! I guess we'll see where my self esteem is tomorrow afternoon...

Accepting A Disaster

2009-12-08T07:57:00.010-05:00

It's finals week here at NC State...

Perfection is not a word in my vocabulary anymore-

and my life can sometimes be a mess.

Here's to the gift of acceptance.

Unwrap your weekly gift at Chatting at the Sky.

Carson

2009-12-07T10:02:00.009-05:00

Set scene: Friday- December 4, 2009. Downtown Raleigh, Winter Fest 2009.

Temperature: 40 degrees & windy.

Music was blaring from a band bellowing Christmas carols on stage. People laughing and dancing, enjoying food and the company of others. Twinkling lights and Christmas cheer overflowed the streets.

After taking pictures by the newly lit Christmas tree amongst the tall skyscrapers, we decided to wait in line with 50+ people for a chance to skate the night away on the new ice rink. People laughing, chatting, and shivering, when all of a sudden a new feeling took over. One of uneasiness.

She stepped out of line. A few mumbles of "where's Carson??" slipped from her lips. Her son looked around- age 7 at most. Tension moved through the crowd as she stood on the nearest ledge to see above the sea of frozen people. Tears streamed from her face as the mumbles turned into screams, "Carson!! Where are you!? Carson!!!"

After wondering what we should do, we noticed it was a lady we knew. My friend Amanda and I were Orientation Counselors over the summer and had many administrative people speak to us. This woman was the 'head' of University Dining. A familiar face. One of laughter and cheer, not tears and fright.

She started panicking. We had to do something. We asked how old her daughter was and what she was wearing. She frantically brought up a picture of Carson on her Blackberry cell phone. Others followed. Actually, many joined in, about 10 people offered their assistance. Everyone shared the feeling of fright with this horrified mother.

We split up and kept our eyes peeled while yelling for Carson. In the distance, 9-1-1 emergency personnel were responding with their sirens and horns howling.

After only about 4 minutes of walking, we found her. Pink coat, long blond hair. Just like the picture. I looked at her and said "are you Carson?" and she said "yea, I'm headed back to my mom." As if nothing had happened. As if she didn't even know she was lost.

We walked back to the woman who was absolutely hysterical. She jumped down from the ledge and encompassed Carson in her arms, crying even harder. "Why did you leave me?!" she kept asking in a firm, but loving tone. Hugs and kisses were exchanged for the next 10 minutes while a sigh of relief spread across the area.

Needless to say, the family never got the chance to go ice-skating, as they were a bit shaken up. It was, however, a wonderful feeling when everyone joined in and shared this (unknown) woman's burden. To help another who couldn't have done it alone.

It's that time again.

2009-11-30T10:02:00.007-05:00

Today starts 'dead week.' The week before finals in which professors are not allowed to assign anything new. Even still, this Friday I have a paper due, a final in Public Relations, and 1/2 of my Spanish final. (They were assigned previously...) Seems like a 'dead week', right? Hmmm...

Monday and Tuesday (of next week), are 'reading days.' These are days with no classes where students are supposed to study. Okay okay, we do study, but giving us a 4 day weekend sounds more like a break...it'll start out on Friday night with everyone knowing they have 4 days to study, so they won't start until Saturday, but then they still have 3 days...and so on and so forth. Then finals week creeps in with its head down, horns up, and ready to stress out any student in it's way. People worry, get sick, and of course stress; it's a vicious cycle.

Wednesday inevitably comes. A time where you take one exam, and then have a day or so until the next exam. Sleep time! Or...relaxation time! Or anything else but studying. After taking one exam and sighing that sigh of relief, the last thing we want to do is study again.

Oh sure, we all make it through, some just struggle more than others.

A big "hello!" to the upcoming late nights at the library, inevitably spending hours on facebook, and hopefully less procrastination! (I know, I know--facebook and less procrastination...a bit of an oxymoron...)

Tradition

2009-11-27T17:52:00.011-05:00

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for tradition: a tradition I have participated in 20 times since I was born. Every Thanksgiving since I was 11 months old, I have spent my Thanksgiving in Ft. Myers Beach, FL. I wasn't even a year old the first time I came.

My parents own a time-share right on the beach. We know everyone that comes down Thanksgiving week and it's a tradition we all enjoy. People from Wisconsin, Ohio, Indiana, Michigan, and even Canada are among the group.

This is the view I see when I step out of our room...

Who would complain?

yes, that is the Gulf of Mexico beyond the pool and chairs!

And it wouldn't be a beach trip without a little sand sculpting...'tis the season!

I am so thankful to be blessed with friends and family who love me and continue this tradition. As many of my readers know, my parents were recently divorced. A lot of families break tradition due to divorce or the passing-on of family, but not ours. My sister and I will continue to come to Florida every year and mom & dad will switch off every other year with each other. Not the best, nor easiest, to be away from 1 parent every Thanksgiving, but it works. And we do what we can.

I hope everyone enjoyed their turkey with their families and friends.

I know I enjoyed it this morning for breakfast/lunch as well!!

Messy Treasures

2009-11-24T10:05:00.007-05:00

Last night, boyfriend and I decided to have a fun filled evening together because early this afternoon he will be heading home for quality family time and I will be headed to sunny Florida. I must inform you-->Last Saturday, we decided to start collecting Coke Rewards Points. (they're on the tops of Coke bottles and other Coke products). We enter them at mycokerewards.com and the eventually will have enough to buy something with the points! (movies, shirts, maybe even tv's! but we've got a log way to go...)

As we were sitting on the futon watching football, I had a sudden burst of obnoxious energy. (yes, I admit, I was obnoxious...but he was laughing so that's all that matters!) I started singing "rain rain, go away, come again another day" over and over and over. I was jumping around and finding other songs to sing, when I came up with the idea to go trudge through the rain to search for Coke tops in the recycling bins around campus. Good idea, eh?

Well. It was gross. The bottles were wet from rain, which meant we really didn't know what was left overs and what was really rain water...yummy.

All in all, we quickly found that our adventure was more than just a dirty duo rummaging through trash. We went into some of the nicest buildings on campus (for the first time!) and found awesome new places to study! We found beautiful overhangs, comfy chairs, and fresh greenery. (but I guess when it's fake, it always looks fresh...) We found conference rooms, lots of Coke tops, and I even found the actual courtyard which I only ever see from the 2nd Floor of Daniels Hall! (I could never find it outside...weird-I know)

Upon returning to my room, we found that we had collected 43 tops...that's 43x3 points! (they're all worth 3 points...sorry I left that out.) You do the math.

Last night was more than just looking for nasty used Coke tops, in which people with H1N1 probably drank out of. It was more than sneaking into buildings that probably should have been locked. It was an adventure full of laughs and new findings of future study halls....and not to mention...we now know where the good recycling bins are...

All for a reason

2009-11-22T17:17:00.007-05:00

Everything happens for a reason. It's part of His plan. How many times have we complained about things in which we really have no control over? It always takes me a second. I usually react, then take myself out of the situation and think. I think about what I am being taught in that very moment. "Why is this happening?" -I ask myself. I'd say about 6 out of 10 times, I know what I'm being taught; I can usually muster up a reason behind the happenings in front of me... But that other 4/10 that is left over is a hefty number...

Life would be so much easier if we knew why things happened. Life would be so much easier if we knew what to expect. If we knew how to handle every situation perfectly. If we didn't mess up. If we didn't disappoint ourselves and others. Life would be so much easier if we had all of the answers.

But, since we're merely human, these things will happen.

Just don't forget:

He didn't promise it'd be easy, He just promised it'd be worth it.

(and, yes, struggle is a part of His plan.)

They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

Psalm 22:5

Delight yourself in the LORD

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 34:7

My newest challenge!

2009-11-19T18:33:00.016-05:00

About 3 weeks ago, a friend posted her facebook status as 'who wants to run a half marathon with me on feb 6th?' For some odd reason, I thought it was a good idea...

I hate running.

What was I thinking?

The above statement is true: I do hate running, but I've come to the realization that I hated running alone-with an ipod blaring in my ears at a super harmful level. It was boring. It was a chore. Nothing enjoyable.

Well...I've somehow had a breakthrough...

Much to my surprise, I now love running with friends. We share our daily struggles, our laughs, our plans for the evening/weekends. I always thought that running without an ipod was like nails on a chalkboard. I hated listening to myself breathe...you know how when you start breathing hard, mentally you feel so much more tired? (Well at least that's how it was for me...)

We have been lightly training for the past two weeks, but this past Monday started the real thing. It feels as if it has become so much more intense this week. I feel like if I miss a day, I'll never make it to the finish line.

Here's a look at our schedule,

and here's a look at the schedule in life-size-mode I have in my room for motivation:

*the white paper in the middle of the wall is the schedule! (how can I say no to it?!)

-------------------------------->

Almost done with week one! Only 11 more to go!

Lastly- (I know this is long...bare with me. But if you've gotten this far, you're probably not up to much today anyways...right?)

A new challenge calls for new shoes! (actually, my other shoes were hanging by threads, so I really had no other choice but to buy new ones...) Luckily I am a bargain shopper and headed to Rack Room Shoes where I found these for cheap! (Foot Locker and such are way over priced. Ridiculous.)

Here's a before picture. If I make it through the training and

race they probably won't stay like this for long-but I have proof that they were pretty at one time!

I forgot to mention-the race is in Hilton Head, SC on Feb. 6, 2010!

Wish me luck!

Program help!

2009-11-19T11:52:00.008-05:00

As an RA, we are required to hold programs for our floor every month. Since November and December are shorter months (due to Thanksgiving & X-mas breaks), we only have to do one program total for both months. My good friend and fellow RA, Kelly, had the idea to do 'passive programming,' which would be doing something like putting together 'Finals Kits' and such for each resident in a paper bag or whatnot. (As in like study tips, tea packets, etc.)

Here's the problem. I don't really know what to put in it. For 38 residents. Any suggestions? PLEASE HELP!

Don't forget I have a coed floor, so it has to be gender neutral!

ps I know some of my residents follow my blog, any input would be great from you guys as well!